Sometimes, the people whom hurt us are the ones that want the best for us.

[abugga]

As above, do you guys agree or disagree?

Talking whereby both partners are in a serious relationship..

I can say I'm such a person, I say hurtful words and such, but really, all I ever did was to want my partner to realize what she is doing wrong...

" Sometimes the people that we expect to kick us when we are down are actually the ones that will help us get back up should we fall " -- Unknown

As all the old and wise always say... "苦口良心"..

[spidey7]

Abugga it is true wat u said abt e per hurtg u turn up 2b e ones carin n helpin u.

[Sssh]

Agree. But not all have such good intentions and use this reason as an excuse to get away with what they had done.

[abugga]

Here comes the best(or worst) part, they don't realize it.

[owl888]

So u must differentiate humiliating & motivational words. Sometimes if u friend abuse u in front of others, i take it as humiliating but in private if he fuck u upside down but still help u I consider as a friend. Juz my humble opinion.

[jj_jj]

Originally Posted by owl888

So u must differentiate humiliating & motivational words. Sometimes if u friend abuse u in front of others, i take it as humiliating but in private if he fuck u upside down but still help u I consider as a friend. Juz my humble opinion.

The truth hurts.
True friends speak what others would not dare.

Just tell your friend to "tone" down the "abuse"
U sure it's really "abuse"?
I usually reserve my torrent of abuse for those drivers who cut in front of me w/o signalling, hehe.

[Babyrexx]

Harmful words are like Nails deeply hammered into a block of wood. You can always remove the Nails when they are not needed. But U can never remove the damage caused to the wood. When U love or Care for a person, sometimes the wrong choice of words or action U take may drive them further away. To change a person takes time.. Jus like putting Braces to straighten your teeth. Excessive force will only break it. U'll have to mould your Partner or Love ones slowly. When they can feel your Love. All will fall into place.

[abugga]

Life is a learning curve... We all slowly learn, don't we?

[DevaPath]

Yes, most people have to learn things the hard way.

人本来就是要在痛苦中才能够有所成长

[JuzNiceM]

I always used the same attitude to one of a girl I ever, ever felt deeply for.

I used harsh tone to get her moving (she signed on then) and hoped to movitate her when she felt lost in her course.

It failed, it pushes her away from me. She quit the force shortly, eventually she settled for her ex-classmate, whom she sees behind me.

That was a decade back.

So i guess it doesn't really work all the time.

If you really care for the person, TLC is still the best ...sad to say.

BTW, it still hurts sometimes thinking back ....

[Ichigo_Kurosaki]

Originally Posted by JuzNiceM

I always used the same attitude to one of a girl I ever, ever felt deeply for.

I used harsh tone to get her moving (she signed on then) and hoped to movitate her when she felt lost in her course.

It failed, it pushes her away from me. She quit the force shortly, eventually she settled for her ex-classmate, whom she sees behind me.

.................................

So i guess it doesn't really work all the time.

If you really care for the person, TLC is still the best ...sad to say.

I used to be like you "blunt as a hammer" once upon a time. Then I learnt that in relationship as in life, 人要内敛做事要方圆. 方圆就是知进退、会取舍、懂圆融, 以柔克刚. Be considerate and discreet. Know when to pull and push, learn to give and take, be tactful and overcoming hardness with softness...Girls are made of water.....This is what it is, okay



Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless - like water. Now you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup, you put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle, you put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend. - Bruce Lee

Originally Posted by JuzNiceM

That was a decade back.
..........................
BTW, it still hurts sometimes thinking back ....

Kindly allow me to share an old story with you (again)

Two traveling monks reached a river where they met a young and very attractive woman. She was in despair. She had to cross the river, but was afraid to do so. The current was too strong and she was afraid of drowning. Wary of the current, she asked if they could carry her across. The junior monks hesitated. Without hesitation, the older monk picked her up onto his shoulders and carried her across the river. Arriving safely on the other bank he sat her down and bowed. She expressed her gratitude and departed.

As the monks continued on their way, the junior monk seemed disturbed. He could not shake off what was on his mind and after walking for about a mile, he finally blurted to his senior. " "Master, of all people you should have known that our spiritual teaching forbids us contact with women, but you have picked that woman and carried her on your shoulders! How can that be!?"

The senior monk replied:”Brother, I set her down on the other side a mile back, why are you still carrying her?"

This very old story reflects the thinking of many people today. We encounter many unpleasant things in our life, they irritate and make us angry. Sometimes, they even cause us lot of hurt or make us bitter. But like the young monk, we are not willing to let them go away cos we allow negative thoughts or emotions to dominate us. We cannot not think about them and like a bad movie playing in the head endlessly. We are disturbed and not at peace. Sometimes, these thoughts are so overwhelming that we keep thinking and cannot sleep at night. We keep thinking of getting even, wasting our time, making ourselves sick with anguish, making us bitter and cause us a lot of agony.

Why? Simply because we are not willing to put down or let go the baggage of the "unpleasant memory/feelings".

[yyme]

It is true to a certain extent but it can backfire quite badly when a girl does it.....

Like if a girl says things that a guy doesn't like to hear or uses a harsh tone...the guy might feel she is putting him down...or the guy might start thinking that she is hard to communicate with and gradually start to stop wanting to talk to her.

[sane]

Sometimes being too harsh will shut off the communication especially in a r/s. Hope it wont end up as a norm n end up quarrelling over minor issues.

[DO_YOU_BJ]

Life is all abt gaining merits, not from mortal means but more from another realm we all will have to go to one day.
If u tried ur very sincere best to help someone, do not be sad if the outcome did not go ur way.
If u see someone drowning and stretch out ur hand to that person, u hv already done a good merit.
If u see someone drowning, act blur walk away, u already minus points
If u see someone drowning, you stretch out your hand and that drowning person refuses to grab ur hand n drowns, u hv also gained merit cos a conscious decision was made by that drowning person to drown n its not of ur doing or choice but u still gained merit cos u stretched out ur hand
If u see someone drowning, u n u stretch out ur hand, the drowning person grabs on to u, only to give up n let go in the end, ending up drowning, do not be sad, for u hv done merit too but the other party gv up on their will to FIGHT to stay alive n it's no fault of urs n again, u hv gained merit
There's nothing in life tat will turn out the way we hoped or expected, thus 人算不如天算, in this light, always do ur utmost best wif true 100% sincerity n watever happens after, let's just say u've dun everything mortally possible but the events were not controlled mortally

[see see only]

100% true ...

However if it is not done tactfully as mentioned by some bros already ..... parties involved may live to regret ..

Therefore the tactic of "Kite flying" should be applied ..... however no matter how careful ... the risk of loosing the kite is still possible ....

But that's life