A Lost Relationship- Learn to Let Go

[omg23]

Dear Bros,D
need advice , but do not wish to start a new thread.
I know my prc gf working in spore with working permit. (normal decent job) and we together for 3months, before i know her, i was cheonging and hardcore in ktv/pubs for 1.5yrs, while i stopped for about 2 months, i got to know her. she comment in her 2yrs in spore, although there are many suitors, she did not commit to a r/s or makelove to anyone before.

Anyhow during our 3mths r/s we argued 3times because i checked her hp and saw msgs that i did not feel comfortable about. She has onstart from the r/s speak about marriage,buying house showing her materialistic side and even said one day she want go back china bcos of her single mother issue and her old granny .On the otherhand, she was treating me nice(sex, making food for me. speaking to her mum etc.) so i checked her hp to be sure to find out her bckground whether she is a flirt.

Incident 1
1- telling me nv contact ex bf already since 2years ago and she so far only has 1 possible r/s but the guy went back china already.
I saw msgs of her and bf contacting, still meetup once in china when i am in the r.s with her and also another msg of a guy who is still chasing her. the msg are harmless but there are wording like" laogong“ "qing ai" or "qin qin".
when i told her whether she see anyone etc, she say never and ask me to trust her even when i already knew the truth. so i confronted her saying i look at her hp, she has no comment for about 2hrs and eventually she cried and then msg the other guy that she has bf and ask the guy dont contact her anymore right in front of me. for her ex bf, she said she still need time to break the news but nonetheless bcos they have been together for 5years, she still heart soft but still affirms she only treat as bf as normal friend since 2years ago.

2nd- i checked her hp bcos she told me while working, a guy got to know her and so they exchange weixin and ask her out but she reject. one day the guy msg keep popping out so i take a look and also out of curiosity look at other msgs, i saw that they were still chatting and also with her other guy friends, there were deleted msgs from her side and also her ex bf still send her msgs (but her msgs are all tone down already).so i confronted her again and said why u delete the msgs if u have nothing to hide. she said bcos i paranoid, so i told her, i just want u to be honest to me in a committed r/s, i will not check your hp but bcos from your past records of being evasive, hiding the truth even when i know the truth and not willing to share , it is hard for us as r/s need open communication and truthfulness. she turn the tables on me saying she hard pple checking her hp and i m paranoid. ok so i promise her i will not check.

3rd-she used online chat program and a englishman msg her saying want to know her and she replied" saying he is good looking too, she like and she like english men because they are traditional and gentleman. at the end of conversation, they exchange no. because the englishman going back london. i screenshot the msg and send to my hp.before i confront her, i told her whether she has know any new friends etc, and she said no, she only msg her schmates, friend etc. see lying in front of me again, so i confronted her. now she use harsh words on me saying im sick , shd see a psycologist and is a illness in me and told me she speak with her colleagues or married colleagues and the comment they will never chck each other lover hp. i apologized and said i m sorry for checking but have you like ur colleagues see the msg and also tell them the dynamics of our r/s the problems before i has to check your hp constantly. so she deny said dont argue on this point, the point is i m sick bcos i check her hp and i have no right to check her hp at all even when we are married. t
she said her msg has no senstitive words like fuck , make love , or love you etc but just complimenting the guy is gd looking bcos everyone love to be praise and the guy ask her whether consider englishman bf , she said long distance. so i was asking what her intention was, she said no intention and also nothing has happen physically and even if she went to london and meet him, nothing will happen.


conclusions
1. she comment she has her own private life, even when married, no right to check her hp.
2. i told her i m sorry and will never check again and i still want to get back with her and see how we can sort this problem out.
3. she told me love need trust and she dont even see my hp at all but i told her bcos u doesnt want me to see your hp hence u don't see mine.
4. i feel she has this need for social interaction and she keep emphasizing the world is small , not just the partner , there are friends, pple etc and she said she is wasting her life on me if this problem keep existing.

pls advise

[NetRodent]

Originally Posted by omg23

conclusions
1. she comment she has her own private life, even when married, no right to check her hp.
2. i told her i m sorry and will never check again and i still want to get back with her and see how we can sort this problem out.
3. she told me love need trust and she dont even see my hp at all but i told her bcos u doesnt want me to see your hp hence u don't see mine.
4. i feel she has this need for social interaction and she keep emphasizing the world is small , not just the partner , there are friends, pple etc and she said she is wasting her life on me if this problem keep existing.

pls advise

Bro, it takes time to forget and must learn to let go.
Seriously, do you think u would really accept the fact she cheat on you, she would be faithful after discovered about her other ongoing relationship?
She probably had second thought about you, and seeking alternatives.

It is either ditched her, or be ditched by her. Which do you think would hurt you most?

Wake up your senses, if she isn't the right one, go and look for the one with strong chemistry between each other, thats one would deserve your wholehearted love.

Be more confident of yourself, it is not the end of the world.

[cataramp]

very nice thread, thanks TS!

[tantan1234]

conclusions
1. she comment she has her own private life, even when married, no right to check her hp.
2. i told her i m sorry and will never check again and i still want to get back with her and see how we can sort this problem out.
3. she told me love need trust and she dont even see my hp at all but i told her bcos u doesnt want me to see your hp hence u don't see mine.
4. i feel she has this need for social interaction and she keep emphasizing the world is small , not just the partner , there are friends, pple etc and she said she is wasting her life on me if this problem keep existing.

pls advise[/QUOTE]

Bro ur case worst than mine. But clearly she is playing with relationships. U know it, u have proof, but when she cooks up reasons u choose to believe in.
This shows u kana KC-ed already. If u r in for fun then ok, but if really love better run.Unless u r those can fall in love, kana hurt few days can get over, then ok.


If u r those who can't put it down, better cut it now.


I always ponder why love hurting is different for different ppl.

U've read news on couples who jumped dwn for love.
U've heard ppl saying :"if they don't want then don't want lor"..


different ppl takes in differently. Some ppl can cry for days after a relationship ended, some just need mins to forget. It's the character of the person, whether they can 拿得起放得下。


I remembered my ex, when I sent her away frm airport, she can just walked off like that without turning and looking back. It was then I kw she can escape unhurt if anything goes wrong in our relationship.

Wherelse I am those who keeps turning back to see...keeps thinking abt her...


See the difference?

[tantan1234]

The memories are too loud. I can't sleep.
I am too sad. I hate myself for being so deep in love.

Really hate.

THe noise is too loud

[cataramp]

Originally Posted by tantan1234

The memories are too loud. I can't sleep.
I am too sad. I hate myself for being so deep in love.

Really hate.

THe noise is too loud

how old are you?

[tantan1234]

Originally Posted by cataramp

how old are you?

Mid 30s.


I know u r trying to say I sounded like a child.

Or perhaps weak.

[cataramp]

Originally Posted by tantan1234

Mid 30s.


I know u r trying to say I sounded like a child.

Or perhaps weak.

don't think this way dude.. I'm in the same situation as you so just asking if around same age group perhaps can hangout together ma haha..

[tantan1234]

Originally Posted by cataramp

don't think this way dude.. I'm in the same situation as you so just asking if around same age group perhaps can hangout together ma haha..

Haha 2 poor guys drinking. Sure. Actually age grp does not matter to me. I mixed with all grps. Perhaps u PM me

[NetRodent]

Originally Posted by tantan1234

Mid 30s.


I know u r trying to say I sounded like a child.

Or perhaps weak.

Seems like men in the 30s and older are more serious with relationship, whereas in the late teens or 20s, would be more immature when it comes to BGR.

Being indecisive to continue or forgo a failed relationship is not a sign of weakness, but a milestone for men to handle serious relationship leading to marriage, or long term companionship.

Being clear of what you want, or able to decide what you want, use as much time possible, just like buying a new house or new car, look over and over the specs before commit into it. Learn to read ladies like a book, understand them, try not to compromise unnecessarily, or give in senselessly. One thing i had learnt, some women are poor liars, the tell-tale body language.

Once you had made right choice of your companion for rest of your life, u won't be falling for this marital traps which countless of love-blinded men fell into, and costly to climb out from.

My 2 cents worth..

[cataramp]

well, netrodent I'm in my early 20s haha.

[omg23]

i am reaching 30s. anyhow we got back together but then another incident happen again.
i m sick of quarreling so will keep a lookout for alternatives now.

[tantan1234]

Originally Posted by omg23

i am reaching 30s. anyhow we got back together but then another incident happen again.
i m sick of quarreling so will keep a lookout for alternatives now.

yes bro, get going. Yr case is quite clear. Sorry for being frank, just want to help u to move forward

[kenl8888]

Life is too short for worrying and quarreling.. If no good feelings from a relationship.. why persist and make oneself so tired, sad and spiteful.. ?

Set your objectives and stick to them instead of chasing mirages over and over again..

[tantan1234]

到現在我還不太清楚分手的原因
你對我說因為沒感覺了
我不知道是什麼導致你沒感覺
但是我知道 至少我們都曾經愛得
那麼深 那麼用力