A Lost Relationship- Learn to Let Go

[bonkning]

Originally Posted by ace_hole55

wish tat i can let her noe tat my door is alway open for her. Iveh so much! I noe woman pchange liao wont come back so i can onli hope.

finally it's time to let go ...
and if u hav the means, it think its better to get ur son back. this is tough. gotto bear with it ..

[sonksonk]

Originally Posted by hella21

Chance upon this article somewhere, Just like to share.
There you were, deeply involved in a relationship. It may have been stormy or you may have thought everything was running smoothly. Then it happened: Your significant other no longer wanted to be your significant other.

thanks. very good read.

[giogio86]

Thanks TS For the interesting read

[hella21]

1、男生都喜欢衣着得体、落落大方的女生，但是普遍对浓妆妖艳的女人感到恶心。

2、在宿舍里，男生只聊两个话题，学习和女生。谈学习，就是骂老师骂学校骂班干部；谈女生，就会评比谁的脸 蛋漂亮，谁的身材苗条。每个男生都喜欢美女，不管他嘴上是不是承认。不是男生犯贱，男人的天性如此。所以女 同学必要的时候学会打扮一下吧，会减少被讽刺的机会。

3、每个男生都好色，不好色的男生我还没见过，只不过是色的程度不同。

4、对你的身材不必太在意，男生基本上只羡慕明星的魔鬼身材，而大多数说不会找一个这样的老婆。

5、如果你气质够好的话，无论长相身材如何，都不必担心会被男生拿来开玩笑，女生的气质比脸蛋重要。如果都 没有的话，那就学会微笑。

6、男生基本上都喜欢笨女孩（除了做饭洗衣服）。我不知道为什么，但事实如此，心眼太多的女孩男生或多或少 都会反感。所以你即使不笨，还是要‘傻’一点好。但是记住，所有男生非常讨厌女人做作，非常非常非常地讨厌 。

7、即使再花心的男生，在他内心深处也会有一个一直深爱的女孩，而且，只有一个。男生会认真的照顾，爱护自 己的女朋友一生一世，但可能她并不是他心底深处爱的那个女孩，但是千万不要以为这是男生的不忠，因为男生知 道什么是现实，知道什么才是应该做的。这个女孩是谁，除非他潜意识失控，否则谁也不知道。

8、男生是思维动物，靠理智生活，喜欢有步骤，有计划，有目的的行事。男生大部分喜欢会撒娇的女生，但是如 果无理取闹的话，基本上离分手不远了。如果在唠唠叨叨，磨磨唧唧，不给男生自由思考的空间，那明天就是末日 。

9、不要以为男生没感觉，谁对他好，谁对他不好，男生能感觉出来，会记在心里。不过有例外，男生做错了，直 接告诉他，别让他猜，一般靠思维生活的男生凭感觉猜不出来，而且反感.

10、女生追男生的话，是非常容易的。但是如果男生不愿意，放弃吧，肯定追不到。为什么？原因非常 非常多。

11、男人有钱可能就变坏，尤其是商人。不信你会后悔。

12、男生主动和女生交往，尤其是漂亮的女生，基本上不只是只想交个朋友而已，差不多都是有想法的 。

13、大多数男生都爱面子，甚至面子比命都重要。如果是另一个男生不给他面子，结果可能会打一仗。而女生不 给他面子，后果只有更严重。所以如果你不想跟他分手的话，可以私下批评他，但不要当着他朋友的面给他难堪。 如果想分手，没有比让他当众出丑更有效的了。对了，千万别给男朋友戴绿帽子。

14、如果一个男生喜欢一个女生：他会找借口送女生东西 ；女生有事求他,他会很乐意去做,并且高效率完成；他会.给女生取外号；他会喜欢做一些事情吸引女生的注意 ；他会总盯着那个女生；他会捉弄自己喜欢的女生；他会摸女生的头；他会故意和那个女生斗嘴，惹 女生生气。

15、如果一个男生从心底爱一个女生：单独在一起时，他会很尴尬，看到她的时候会害羞 说话都说不连贯 ；不会很快回那个女生的短信，而是会改了又改才发出去；装作不在乎她,心里却总是挂念她；女生拜托他的事情 ,就算再难再艰巨，他也会答应，会做好；最重要的是，即使他和全世界都知道是这个女生错了，他还是会站在女 生这边。

16、好男生还是有很多的，学会看他的眼睛。

17、男生总会对女生说：我一生中最爱的人是你。其实，就算不遇到你，他也会与其他的女人一见钟情 。

18、男人，心里都曾梦想过自己的另一半是个什么样子。比如身高，身材，脸蛋，性格，甚至发型等等，但是这 个人基本不存在。所以，如果和男生吵架时，他说对你的脸蛋，身材等等不满意。别在意，他是拿你和一个不存在 的幻想比较呢，没有实际意义，过后他们并不会真的挑剔对方。

19、男生最怕女生说他没能力，没安全感，其实每一个男生都在或明或暗的努力着，　没有不知上进的男生，上 进争强是所有雄性动物的天性。不要对男生要求的太过分，总说男生不如谁谁，从女生那里，男生需要的是更多的 肯定。

20、男生普遍的认为，钱是挣不完的，富贵有命，挣多少花多少。所以你逼男生拼命地挣钱，男生会反 感。

21、吃饭的时候，女生想点什么就点，别跟男生磨磨叽叽的，男生都讨厌这样的人。

22、男生对女生说的谎话比女生平时说的谎话还多，但有的时候是为了与女生更好的相处，有的时候是被女生逼 的。

23、现在还有很多重视处女情结的男生，所以。。。。不要挥霍了青春，最后才想到把生活的责任交给另一个男 生。大部分男生说不会再要这样的女人。

24、男生和女生上床不一定是爱她，我听到许多“再玩玩就把她踹了。”的话出自我认识的男生嘴里。人心不古 是没办法的事。

[hella21]

什么样的情感才能天长地久呢？

也许你的爱情不顺利，但你的朋友很多，家庭很和睦。这就像是那句话似的，上帝为你关上了门，但还会为你留一 扇窗。但有些时候，你倒是宁愿不要“窗”而是要“门”。

什么样的爱情才能算得上刻骨铭心呢？中国自古的梁山伯与祝英台，外国的名着中描述的罗密欧与朱丽叶。包括那 些言情小说中的故事，或者现实中的感人爱情。这些真就是刻骨铭心了么？还记得小的时候，也曾有小女生梦寐的 王子和骑士，谈一场轰轰烈烈的爱情。虽然那时候不知道怎样才算是轰轰烈烈。渐渐长大，还是希望 着……

再到如今，变成了希望能有一个平凡的爱情，只是一场相遇，而后没有波澜的度过一生。这样说着是不是太平凡了 呢？但是啊，当你真正经历了一场爱情，让你身心疲惫后，你只愿能够细水长流了，再也不会有任何 其他的想法。

记得王菲的那首红豆，里面有句歌词是这样，“等到风景都看透，也许你会陪我 ，看细水长流”。也许，爱情就是应该如此。

选择放手的爱情，真的是不爱了么？

有时候的放手，大部分都是为了自己。不想再苦苦折磨自己，为着这样的一个人，整天的痛苦，心中的讨厌多于喜 欢的时候，那份爱情已经走到了尽头。认识的一个姐姐，和男友相恋了七年，终究没有度过这七年之痒，分手而告 终。这位姐姐说，到最后的时候早就没有什么伤心难过了，只是厌恶，男友做什么都觉得讨厌。不过还好，趁着还 没变成仇人，早点分开做朋友。

有时候，不是不爱了。只是换了一种身份去关心着。不求其他任何的回应。只是希望安好。有时候连自己也会迷惑 ，是不是不喜欢了呢？怎么说放下就放下了？但是啊，心还是会痛，似乎在敲醒那个早已经藏好的心 。

爱情，不管是怎样选择的，个中滋味只有自己最清楚。只要不后悔，结果如何又能怎么样呢？

[hella21]

香烟恋上了手指，而手指却要把香烟让给嘴唇，香烟亲吻着嘴唇却把内心送给了肺，肺以为得到了香烟的真心却不 知伤害了自己！是手指的背叛成就了烟的多情，还是嘴唇的贪婪促成了肺的伤心...

[burningicez]

Great article to share bro!

Originally Posted by hella21

Chance upon this article somewhere, Just like to share.

There you were, deeply involved in a relationship. It may have been stormy or you may have thought everything was running smoothly. Then it happened: Your significant other no longer wanted to be your significant other. This scenario happens almost every moment of every day, but when it happens to you, your whole world can focus on this. Many people that do not want the relationship to end will go into a panic to keep the relationship alive. Most of these attempts are in vain. When a relationship ends, it can be a heartbreaking, emotionally crippling time, and there are strategies you can implement to learn to let it go.

It is important to understand that as much as you may wish, you simply cannot control another person's thoughts or feelings. Even if you feel they are unjustly ending the relationship or you do not see any logic in their choice, they possess the freewill to do with their life as they wish. It is sometimes enormously painful to accept this fact, especially if you feel you have given so much of yourself to this other person. When they choose to walk away from you, you may feel a very strong craving to stop the progress of their actions. When feeling that you deserve something from this person, it can cause you to behave in very improper way. This behavior is detrimental to your emotional wellbeing.

There is no debate regarding the poignant pain that is involved in a breakup or divorce. There is not a magic way to completely stop the misery you will feel from the loss of this person. However, there is a way to control these feelings. No amount of pleading, begging or bribery can change how a person feels about you. Once you accept this fact, you can then move on to take actions to behave dignified and accept the end of the relationship with your esteem intact.

If the following sounds familiar, you have not learned the art of letting go. When faced with the end of a relationship, have you called that person endlessly will pleas to be reunited? Have you contacted the other person and promised to change your behavior to better accommodate their needs? Have you attempted repeatedly to question them as to why they are choosing to leave you? All of these are clear-cut signs that you have a difficult time letting a dead relationship go. All of these signs only make the situation worse for you.

When pleading with another person to "begin loving you again", you are setting yourself up for disaster. You cannot talk someone into loving you. You may be a wonderful, caring, kind and compassionate person, however if someone who was in your life does not feel they want continue the relationship, you cannot force them. You already must deal with the loss of the relationship. Love is a choice of freewill. To beg, plead or otherwise, will only lead to feeling defeated once again.

It is exceedingly difficult indeed, to control the desire to reach out to the person who left you. When you are so used to conversations with them or seeing this person everyday, it will throw your world upside-down when you must deal with a sudden end of communication and a physical connection. Realizing that calling the person, trying to "accidentally run into them" or other means of contact is futile, you must learn to distance yourself. This must be done in the name of self-respect.

If you can be emotionally strong enough to know that nothing you do can bring this person back to you, you can leave with dignity. If you harass this person, in an attempt to reunite, added suffering is imminent. It can be so frustrating to plead, beg and try to persuade someone and have him or her repeatedly reject you. The best road to take is one of complete and utter non-communication. Once knowing you do not possess the power to control their feelings and actions, control your behavior. You will have moments of weakness and there are steps you can take to overcome these.

Resist the urge to "show up accidentally" in places that you know you will run into them. You may think it is a great idea to spend hours making yourself look fantastic and then going to a restaurant, bar or otherwise that the person frequents. Your plan will be to show them how wonderful you look and they will regret their mistake of leaving you. Your plan will actually make the other person fully aware of your plan, and they will think your plan is pitiable. Whatever reason they had for leaving the relationship, whether unfounded or not, will remain intact. Flaunting yourself in front of them is akin to screaming out, "Look at me! Why do you not want me?". Do you really want to seem that deprived?

Do everything possible to stop yourself from calling them on the telephone. Delete their number from your cell phone. Another good option is to leave their number, but to change their contact name to something along the lines of, "No! He/she treated me horribly". This is a good strategy to prevent you from calling them, in the moments that you are feeling weak. You can also tape a note to your home phones. One suggestion is to write something such as, "Do not call him/her, they broke your heart and you will look like a fool if you keep calling!". These may sound rather silly now, but when in a state of a broken heart, it is common to act irrationally and these tips can stop your foolish behavior.

If you are used to instant messaging with this other person, and you wish to leave your messenger intact on your computer for messaging with others, there are several options. Firstly, you should opt to create a new user name and inform only your friends, family and others that you do wish to communicate with of your new name. If you choose to keep your user name, obviously, you should delete your ex's name off your list. If you are not emotionally strong enough to do so yet, you should at least opt to change their contact name, so that their name will show as "Ex- do not IM him/her!" or anything that will prompt you to not contact them.

You may feel a very strong urge to leave phone messages, or offline instant messages to the other person who left the relationship. You may feel you have an endless array of things to say to this person. Alternatively, you may feel you must get the last word in, but it never ends there. If you allow yourself to leave these messages, you will always find something new to add. The other person is most probably ignoring or deleting your messages, it will not bring them back to you, and all of your efforts will be in vain. Once you have implemented the means to prevent yourself from contacting them, do realize this: As absurd as it sounds at the moment, as much as your heart is aching, as much as you feel you were unfairly treated, as much as you feel you know you were the "best thing to ever happen" to them, time will change your feelings.

It is one of the most frequently used clichés when a relationship ends; however, time does heal all wounds. When using the term "heal" this does not mean that you forget this person forever. It does not mean that you will live the rest of your life without this person's name or image appearing in your mind. It does mean that given a certain amount of time, the image and memories of this person will fade.

If you follow these guidelines to end the relationship quickly and not drag the breakup into a long process, there will be a day, not too far in the future, that you realize this person was not the right one for you. You desire a good person, someone who cares for you unconditionally, someone to support your decisions, and someone to walk through life with. If this person leaves you, heartbroken and alone, they are proving they possess none of the qualities that you were looking for in a mate. You may feel misled, lied to, or tricked. The reality remains that they ultimately did not measure up to having the qualities needed in a relationship with you.

At one time or another we have all wished we had the power to make someone loves us. We have prayed for their return. We have deprived ourselves from sleep while pondering what we could have done to stop them from leaving. We have spent endless hours wondering how they could leave us. In the end, all of that time spent is needlessly, we will never obtain the answers. Only one fact remains: Everyone has freewill to do as they wish. When a person leaves you, learn to let it go.

[tantan1234]

hella21,

u are one damn kind soul, for taking yr time to post those... very meaningful. I read most ( if I did not miss out) of yr post.

Some wordings can really wake heart-breakers up


Let drown those heart aches, sorrows to the drain!


Cheers bro!

[puzzleman]

bro bonking

just a tot to you to analyse

1. you should not move out from the house as you can save time and money in rentals or travelling. you can use the money to get the monthly groceries for the house and kid needs. You could clean the house too if you want for hygiene sake to the kid

2.as for now focus on your kid more than anything else at the moment

3. be it your wife is back late and drunk cos he she does that in future who will take care of the kid. at least when you are there you kids is safe and she is too as long she is back home

4. you need to be patience with the approached. watch her movements and wait till things has toned down. Try doing it when she is eating as actually it's good to talk for discussion or just a pep talk. Only when she on pms be careful or siam lah

just focus and do things for your kid first and that may open up her a bit

[puzzleman]

anyway you still have your rights. don let things out of your sight. you need to work harder in knowing anything and everything as from there you might be able to control some of the situation.

Since things are tight and unpredictable maybe you also need to take a step back each time you want to do things and see the situation.

you need to control yourself before you can control any situation. The quality of life is the quality of the any relationship be it your kid or your wife

no harm trying you may have lost the battle but you go down fighting. its the time and effort that you need to put in for now change your focus and mindset wilt you wanna achieved. change your comfort zone

[tiikokia]

thanks, TS for sharing. very valuable information.

[haileygirl]

quite a worth reading

[sg2hanoi]

Sometimes, only after the break up do you realise how much you have changed from the before you met your partner. These changes may or may not be the reasons for the break up but when a girl falls out of love with you, any effort you make to "win her back" is only going to make things worse.

Rather than doing that, it is better to find our best selves again. This will be the manliest way of saying good bye to your ex and your relationship.

Great post TS!