lost

[<<totally>>]

Originally Posted by leakypipes

I quit chionging after met wife.

Originally Posted by leakypipes

Then recently I start to chiong again.

1st dilemma

Originally Posted by leakypipes

I forgive her.

Originally Posted by leakypipes

I haven't forgiven her.

2nd dilemma

Originally Posted by leakypipes

We were ok.

Originally Posted by leakypipes

But looking back, was obvious we weren't happy also.

3rd dilemma

Originally Posted by leakypipes

I chiong also is shiok for awhile only.

Originally Posted by leakypipes

After that still unhappy.

4th dilemma

Originally Posted by leakypipes

Until then, I wonder- will I ever stop chionging?

Originally Posted by leakypipes

Or is bullshit only.

5th dilemma

Bro, take a look at yourself now. This is the main reason.

You are a guy that does things in a wishy washy manner. Indecisive!! If you are not going to change the way you handle your problem, more problems will come later on in life.

Originally Posted by leakypipes

I take it many step further. She still don't know.

I do have a strong feeling maybe that might be one of the reason why your wife betrayed you. You have shown that you are weak and unable to defend her if she needed help. She knew that is what you will be doing and what is there for her to be afraid of.

You might be angry with what I have said but asked yourself if what I have said made senses to you. Since the source of the problem has been located, solved it.

Originally Posted by leakypipes

I don't want destroy my baby life.

This is your only hope. You must be decisive and showed who's boss. Consistently reminding yourself, what you are doing is for your baby girl. Motherly love is powerful but Fatherly love is not weak either.

Bring out the man in you! All the best to you and may you and your family reunited again.

[HarryPotter]

Bro, I have been following this thread for the past few days. It seems that you are emotionally confused. Your thoughts and decisions changed like a flipping coin.

You are dealing with a matter that not only affects your life and future, but your wife and child as well. You have to sit down and think hard with a cool head. Nothing will be achieved when you are emotionally confused.

Put this matter down a while. Perhaps, go for a tour with your wife. Relax and have a heart to heart discussion. Try mending things up. Sometimes, things might not be as bad as you have thought.

The worst outcome is a separation. Painful, no doubt, but it could be a better option for you, your wife and child. 长痛不如短痛。

All the best.

[NetRodent]

After reading through this thread TS and various good-hearted samaritans replies, and i can read that the TS would only voice out his sorrow or dilemma, and explained (rebutted) with his reasons for his regrettable actions.

I doubt those infidelity of seeking alternate companionship is out of lust, but of despair and hopelessness of the situation, seeking some form of solace.
If he enjoyed or happy with this sort of companionship, he would not even would write his sorrow in the first place.
Could see that he is still wish to get back together.

Put me in his shoes, I probably would have did the same to seek a channel to cry out loud, and would love to have someone to listen to my sorrow, or someone gave me a comforting pat, or a warm hug, or etc etc..

There are not much channel for guys or girls who need some listening ears.
Ironically, SBF, a sex forum, not short of guys/girls with BGR problems, and had seen many thread of these, fiction or real, it doesnt really matter, but writing the stories down, would have the same effect, as talking to a friend.
People here would generally offer good advice (and occasional scorns).

Matters of the Hearts is sure complicated, and seeking advice is one good channel, but its still depends on yourself and your partner to resolve the troubled relationship PRIVATELY. Nobody is perfect, some compromise is definitely required.

When the efforts failed, try professional marriage counseling.

Hope for the best outcome..

[leakypipes]

Thanks all bros for advice. I'm not about to do anything stupid. Not yet. So far I've been able to stop myself. Chionging also minimal.

I don't think my wife realises when shld hurts me. cos i usually just tahan quietly.

And she's very quick to raise a fuss over small things. When she's not raising a fuss, we're able to continue like nothing wrong.

But that's just life. I come here kao peh kao bu better than I really don't say anything.

[kenl8888]

Open your heart to her ; show you really care... that's what constitutes a marriage.. women are romantics ; it's easy to kc them if you are observant.. and it's easy to make them happy.. your present dilemma is that you are not satisfied with your sexual life; and your marriage. you have to work hard if you really want to save your marriage.. not just by pretending...

[SushiJiro]

Bro TS, there is a chinese saying that it takes a thousand lifetimes to cultivate the fate to be a couple sharing the same bed (loosely translated). Simply, it means married couple should try their best to work out their differences and stay together since it's a rare fate to be together.
I am in no position to comment cos i am not married - but i sensed from your post that you still care a lot about your partner and this relationship. Unlike other chiongsters who chiong for fun and excitement, you seemed to be doing it out of unhappiness, a sense of revenge or just an emptiness in your heart.
Hence, it might be worth your effort to re-examine what went wrong and try to patch things back... it is probably not easy given the damages done, but nothing is worse than a regret over a lost relationship.

[Gambit7]

TS, u dont go chiong for just the sake to get revenge of ur wife. If u really love her so much, u should do things that she likes. I dont believe its ur wife's issues only. I believe u played a big part in turning her attitudes toward u. Before u go to sleep tonight, why dont u do a self reflection on urself? Im sure u will realise something wrong from ur behaviors, actions, or attitude towards her that she dislikes. And pls be honest to urself and ur wife, if u know ur problems, u should sincerely change ur ways and apologize to her. Punish urself for showing ur regrets. That way, things might turn for the better for u.

[DocD]

Maybe you are overthinking this. If you chiong soong soong liao, then why feel guilty? It's a physical natural need. Whether you are emotionally happy or not is beside the point. And honestly no ones business but yours. If you are emotionally unhappy then chionging won't fix that, if tio kc by some fl guarantee would be worse than your wife. So hope you don't feel too much guilt. Support.