Matters of the Heart.Has a Commercial Fuck turned into a torrid Love Affair which has turned your life upside down? Fear not. We have experts here who can help you through your roller coaster ride. Tell us your story and we'll do our best to help.
Firstly, FACE PALM! no offence!
The amount of years you kept going is the amount of years i removed myself from the society. I only associate myself with booze and 1 gf.
None taken sis..
There is always a reason for everything.. Family ties and emotions has always been my softest spot..
Quote:
Originally Posted by discordpiggy
what happened to you if I did not read wrongly is that your ex left you for someone and she was subsequently abandoned. this is what I called KARMA.
most people do not cherish what they have and they left to get back 10 fold of crap. it is not your fault so why are you doing this. if she left you its on her own accord. you moved on.
I had been cheated, betrayed and verbally been abused by various men/few women and not just one. The betrayal of trust and honesty, in addition to the verbal abuse due to how I look, still lives in the shadow of me on a daily basis till now. This betrayal/abuse allows me to dis associate and ignore the society
I had to learn to communicate with humans which is the hardest part and forcing myself to live in another country to hopefully make a change, but it still did not work, only for a short while as I wanted to see how people's reaction and compare cultures. After which, I automatically switch back to hide mode. Unfortunately, I am still unable to program back due to the fact that I have not made decent progress or contact to the society. I would usually avoid, ignore and take flight if someone wants to talk to me with full defence up. That is what a cold heart has left me – human robot.
My questions still stand, are you able to dis associate yourself to the society and limit to your work only? And reject any social communications and invitations?!
cheers!
hiding at the Dark side
discordpiggy
Would you believe me if I said, I've been there and done that as well?
My life at one point felt like an unfortunate television drama? And no, I am not making this up, there is no reason to anyway..
In a short span of 3 months, the events I have listed below happened in succession..
Dad walked out on our family for a girl 2 years my senior.
My grandma suffered a stroke because of that and left us too.
My mum grieved and got drunk every night.
My sis could not take how our family was torn up and moved to her bf place.
My ex-gf (the one I mentioned in my earlier post) of 6 years walked out on me with a mere "take care" sms.
Basically, the world I knew existed and lived in crumbled.. I lost all focus in life and had to quit my job..
I disassociated myself from everything and everyone I once cherished..
I basically locked myself away in my darkened room in the day..
At night I had to clean up after my mum while she lay sobbing, drunk and half-asleep..
That aftermath lasted for a year before I picked up the pieces, hardened myself up and got back on my feet..
So, to answer your question.. I believe I can because I have done it before and am still subtly doing it today..
sorry, my fate does not give me any chance of hope. hence when i said chance, it is as good as NIL. Happiness do not live in my world. Solitude stays. Hence I am still in a shut down mode.
I totally understand why because I feel like I am in the same position as you are.. That probably explains the harsh cold I describe myself to be..
Quote:
Originally Posted by discordpiggy
regardless she takes the trouble to attend to you. end of the day it is called customer service and if any, hoping to earn more commission or get into your pants. (pun intended lols! )
You reciprocated. By attending to her. Replying to her messages. Clearly shows that in capability to dis associate yourself from the society or world.
Nah, that sales agent was introduced by a close friend so initially I thought she was just being friendly.. And I didn't reciprocate, just didn't want to be rude..
There always ppl you cant forget it life, sometime i fill stuck also, i will try to go on a next rs but just being afraid betray again. I know i can be immature in RS because of insecurities.
Looking at my best buddy and her gf. her gf nv mind him saving money, not buying her branded. They are working hard together to save for the BTO and wedding dinner. I am really jealous, I had nv met a gf like this before, i always ask when will this type of R/s happen to me. I had always been spoiling my exs, whatever they ask for and they wanted, it will always appear in front of them very soon. However, I will also feel scare and low self confident when the number of Zeros in my bank are disappearing. I know i am petty stupid. I once dated 3 girls but i still feel lonely.
Now i just act like a poor man hoping for some one like this will appear.
Heart is cold also.
Senters89
Ego is man biggest enemy
Hi Bro,
Seek not of love, for if you do it eludes you..
Whatever I say below, please do not take it word for word and apply it to your life because I would not want you to end up like me.. Use your own discretion and apply only when you think it is applicable..
Personally, I dislike feeling like a piece of meat haggled over by ladies who nips and picks me over my net worth..
If you have money, never use it as a lure because it only draws gold diggers.. Ask yourself what you want in a partner, someone who truly loves you or someone who is there only for your money..
Yes, money brings along security.. But if it all that is in a relationship, then it is fundamentally wrong to begin with..
Take care bro, hope you'll get to meet your special someone soon..
Thank you for taking the time to answer in such great details n in all honesty i can tell.
U validated the point that fuck n forget a friend is wrong. I see so many of such men but they are strangely guiltless. They have hurt the women they do this to. I wonder why they don't just go n hire a professional? fl, escorts etc,at least thats a money transaction, no moral obligations beyond paying.
I am again not an expert in this but I think it is all about moral ethics..
For me, I wouldn't because I think it is ethically wrong.. Probably because I grew up in a ladies oriented environment.. my mum, my grandma, my sis, my close female friends etc.. So, I have seen the kind of pain and grief they have gone through.. Maybe that is why I can relate a little better, maybe that is why I am able to see it from a non-masculine perspective..
I am unfortunately unable to explain on behalf why the other men you have met wouldn't hire a professional.. But I think there are several possibilities..
For example:
Lust ruling over ethics. (hormonal)
An act done under an impulse. (lost of control over oneself)
An act under the influence of alcohol. (intoxication)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Edyta
As for the point u say about your emotional baggage. I would say, you can choose to put it down. Please don't mistaken, I am not belittling the suffering you went thru. It has been 14 yrs, you punished yourself so.long that you didn't allow yourself to be vulnerable to fall in love again. To fall in love you need to be emotionally vulnerable cos u allow the other person to affect how you feel. If you can put down this baggage, the wall u build around yourself will lower, u can then let a special someone enter your life and make u happy romantically again. The ex is in the past, no one can rewind the clock to go back. All the "what ifs" are pointless. Let it remind in the past. Move on. All the best.
Maybe the above link will shed a little more light as to why it took me so long.. It's not that I want to but rather I am still living through it all as we speak..
Quote:
Originally Posted by Edyta
btw i am female not a bro.
Yes sis, I am sorry I didn't realise it..
I made the same mistake 3 times in this 1 thread alone..
I totally understand why because I feel like I am in the same position as you are.. That probably explains the harsh cold I describe myself to be..
yours is situational, unlike mine, i get absolutely no chance. even as i type, there are people calling me names, spreading rumours and feeling threatened by me for whatever reasons i have absolutely no idea of
the only way for me to continue is avoid, avoid, avoid and continue hiding. which the end result is zero chance of anything.
i honestly think you still have a chance to move on because you aren't plagued by what i have.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSeeker
Nah, that sales agent was introduced by a close friend so initially I thought she was just being friendly.. And I didn't reciprocate, just didn't want to be rude..
if you have not reciprocated to her invites and communication for this instance only fine, but have yielded in others, then you still did not closed out on others.
it is only when you closed out on all, not just one.
I bin any communications and gave excuses for all. my only communication was with alcohol till I gotten seriously ill with excessive drinking.
__________________
Pisces are ULTIMATE sluts in bed, gian song till you feel like a damn PORN STAR!
Scorpios are willing to go to the extreme to please you
Aries IS the ULTIMATE SEX GOD!
None taken sis..
There is always a reason for everything.. Family ties and emotions has always been my softest spot..
Would you believe me if I said, I've been there and done that as well?
My life at one point felt like an unfortunate television drama? And no, I am not making this up, there is no reason to anyway..
In a short span of 3 months, the events I have listed below happened in succession..
Dad walked out on our family for a girl 2 years my senior.
My grandma suffered a stroke because of that and left us too.
My mum grieved and got drunk every night.
My sis could not take how our family was torn up and moved to her bf place.
My ex-gf (the one I mentioned in my earlier post) of 6 years walked out on me with a mere "take care" sms.
Basically, the world I knew existed and lived in crumbled.. I lost all focus in life and had to quit my job..
I disassociated myself from everything and everyone I once cherished..
I basically locked myself away in my darkened room in the day..
At night I had to clean up after my mum while she lay sobbing, drunk and half-asleep..
That aftermath lasted for a year before I picked up the pieces, hardened myself up and got back on my feet..
So, to answer your question.. I believe I can because I have done it before and am still subtly doing it today..
my comments are not by any way insinuating or belittling but merely pointing out probably you can look at a different perspective and are maybe merely just words of my personal opinions.... so here it goes...
based on your unfortunate (korean) drama, the last factor on your ex gf walking out on you, i think u should not even bother or grief about it. for someone to be in a relationship with you for 6 yrs and walk out on you during such critical times, why should you even have a cold heart?! don't you think its better she walked out than later?! later with more repercussions?
yes you picked up the pieces and move along and take care of your mother. i hate to say this, but your sister ran away. you stood by and clean up so that should make you a stronger person. these are issues happening in your family and you worked to achieve better outcome for it. your heart turns cold doesn't apply to family. family issues cannot be credited to cold heart.
in order to earn a cold heart, you have to be affected by external sources not family issues. you are a stronger person based on your korean drama and no dis associating required. in fact, by getting out of it means you are positive and have strength and determination.
using family issues to have a heart turn cold is misrepresentation!
forget about your ex! and which is irrelevant to "fuck and forget" because you can remember it!
Whatever happened to me eons/moons ago is fuzzy/hazy even now, which honestly i couldn't remember the events and which was which. until some joker wrote their sob story and it hit me and brought back bits hazy memories. and i am still trying to remember what happened actually!!!
all i could remember was the cheating, betrayals, back stabbing and verbal abuses such as derogatory remarks of u are so damn ugly with no figure etc. till now i still get those.
you try, if you have many cases of friends cheating you, betray and backstabbing you and many gfs 2 timing 3 timing you or your best friend stole your gfs and left you and people calling you names excessively for no crime of what you have done....
Hence, you can arrive at this => fuck and forget = heart turns cold.
cheers, no offence
discordpiggy
__________________
Pisces are ULTIMATE sluts in bed, gian song till you feel like a damn PORN STAR!
Scorpios are willing to go to the extreme to please you
Aries IS the ULTIMATE SEX GOD!
Whatever happened to me eons/moons ago is fuzzy/hazy even now
all i could remember was the cheating, betrayals, back stabbing and verbal abuses such as derogatory remarks of u are so damn ugly with no figure etc. till now i still get those.
you try, if you have many cases of friends cheating you, betray and backstabbing you and many gfs 2 timing 3 timing you or your best friend stole your gfs and left you and people calling you names excessively for no crime of what you have done....
Hence, you can arrive at this => fuck and forget = heart turns cold.
cheers, no offence
discordpiggy
Wah. Hugs you deep deep. Remind me to be nicer to you sis
yours is situational, unlike mine, i get absolutely no chance. even as i type, there are people calling me names, spreading rumours and feeling threatened by me for whatever reasons i have absolutely no idea of
the only way for me to continue is avoid, avoid, avoid and continue hiding. which the end result is zero chance of anything.
i honestly think you still have a chance to move on because you aren't plagued by what i have.
Lol, yea I guess mine is pretty situational more importantly it has past a long time ago..
Sis, it sounds like the problems that you face are persistent and still affecting your life.. While I neither know what exactly are your problems nor the pains it must have caused for you to be where you are today.. Though it is unlikely but if there is a day, you need a listening ear.. We can chill over a glass or two.. If you feel uncomfortable about that, you can also drop me a PM.. All I am really offering is a brotherly listening ear, nothing more..nothing intrusive..
Quote:
Originally Posted by discordpiggy
if you have not reciprocated to her invites and communication for this instance only fine, but have yielded in others, then you still did not closed out on others.
it is only when you closed out on all, not just one.
I bin any communications and gave excuses for all. my only communication was with alcohol till I gotten seriously ill with excessive drinking.
My shut door policy remains exclusively towards romance because I am a loser/coward in it..
I have unfortunately only shut myself away from everything for only a year in my life because shortly after that I had to pick up the pieces and move on.. Not by choice but by circumstances..
my comments are not by any way insinuating or belittling but merely pointing out probably you can look at a different perspective and are maybe merely just words of my personal opinions.... so here it goes...
No offense taken sis, in fact I appreciate the time you took to read and respond back to me..
Quote:
Originally Posted by discordpiggy
based on your unfortunate (korean) drama, the last factor on your ex gf walking out on you, i think u should not even bother or grief about it. for someone to be in a relationship with you for 6 yrs and walk out on you during such critical times, why should you even have a cold heart?! don't you think its better she walked out than later?! later with more repercussions?
When I was younger, I used to believe in love. Considering the things we have done and the criticism we have braved through.. Considering the silly little things I did for her when I was in NS.. What one reap is what one sow right? Alas, reality doesn't work that way.. Not in my relationships anyway..
Initially when she sent that mere sms that reads "take care".. I took that it was out of concern and it comforted me.. Never had I expect that it actually meant goodbye..
Days after, I kept trying but failed each time trying to reach her. In fact, I was so stupid that I had to ask her gfs if everything was ok.. It was only then that I knew the real intent of that sms..
Yes sis, it was better she walked out then..
Still, it came as a devastating blow to me.. Apart from my old man and ex-gf, all the other events that occurred during my lowest ebb in life were situational.. I see and recognise that.. My grief and pain may have past 14 years now but at times they haunt me too..
I once held so much faith in love yet it was unrealistic..
Among other things, this was one of the explanation I convinced myself to believe..
As I got back on my feet, my heart remained in it's broken state.
Gradually, it did heal but was not totally mended..
And though I may have met some nice people, the phobia remained..
Today, my only focus is on my family, work/business.. Probably because these are the only things in life which helped me stay focused.
This explains why my heart is selectively cold.
Yes, I recognise the fact that I shouldn't because she isn't worth it but I can't help it myself..
I do not have faith to even try uncold-ing it..
This is also why I was asking you earlier if there are ways to actually have it cold permanently..
Quote:
Originally Posted by discordpiggy
yes you picked up the pieces and move along and take care of your mother. i hate to say this, but your sister ran away. you stood by and clean up so that should make you a stronger person. these are issues happening in your family and you worked to achieve better outcome for it. your heart turns cold doesn't apply to family. family issues cannot be credited to cold heart.
in order to earn a cold heart, you have to be affected by external sources not family issues. you are a stronger person based on your korean drama and no dis associating required. in fact, by getting out of it means you are positive and have strength and determination.
using family issues to have a heart turn cold is misrepresentation!
forget about your ex! and which is irrelevant to "fuck and forget" because you can remember it!
Yes sis, you are right..
My cold heart has got nothing to do with my mum and sis..
I would do it if only there was some way I could erase my ex-gf.. Yet retain the focus and strength..
My only solution was to seek comfort from escorts/WL/FL when the cold gets overbearing.. I know how ridiculous it sounds but that is the only avenue I could turn to without the need to invest real emotions..
Quote:
Originally Posted by discordpiggy
Whatever happened to me eons/moons ago is fuzzy/hazy even now, which honestly i couldn't remember the events and which was which. until some joker wrote their sob story and it hit me and brought back bits hazy memories. and i am still trying to remember what happened actually!!!
Now, that is a quality I wish I had..
So, as I read your responses I try to learn at the same time..
Perhaps in time, I could be like you..
Quote:
Originally Posted by discordpiggy
all i could remember was the cheating, betrayals, back stabbing and verbal abuses such as derogatory remarks of u are so damn ugly with no figure etc. till now i still get those.
you try, if you have many cases of friends cheating you, betray and backstabbing you and many gfs 2 timing 3 timing you or your best friend stole your gfs and left you and people calling you names excessively for no crime of what you have done....
Hence, you can arrive at this => fuck and forget = heart turns cold.
cheers, no offence
discordpiggy
Well sis, the world is obsessed with things which are beautiful.. What the world does not seem to realise is the fact that beauty fades away in time..
Personally, I think you are a wonderful person so I cannot fathom why others have cheated/betrayed you..
Nonetheless, I sincerely wish you well.. I hope someday the wrongs other commit against you could be right again..
Whatever I say below, please do not take it word for word and apply it to your life because I would not want you to end up like me.. Use your own discretion and apply only when you think it is applicable..
Personally, I dislike feeling like a piece of meat haggled over by ladies who nips and picks me over my net worth..
If you have money, never use it as a lure because it only draws gold diggers.. Ask yourself what you want in a partner, someone who truly loves you or someone who is there only for your money..
Yes, money brings along security.. But if it all that is in a relationship, then it is fundamentally wrong to begin with..
Take care bro, hope you'll get to meet your special someone soon..
bro, i wish i really can find someone like this, my life is in a mess. Why the world is so unfair? what have i done to deserve all this shit.
Life is never fair to everyone when we born. Some people whenever they have trouble, there is always benefactor come out help him settle the trouble or clean the shit he has created. Like our famous TV hostress Quan Yifeng, whenever she created troubles, her relative, Chen MingLee will immediately hire lawyer for her, using her network to help Quan Yifeng to be guilt free in any cases. Whereas other when they really need help, they r not the trouble maker but victim of poor fate, nobody lend them a help, even next kins or relative, they just left you in the lurch......Life is unfair, reality is cruel.
Just as u mention, u seemed spoilt your ex by giving in to their every request. Sorry for my pardon & straightforward, using money to keep a relationship going is will never work, as the vain girl just love your money, when she finds someone more richer will dump you. If just for flirt, can go for this vain, materialistic syt. But if u want a serious relationship, a commitment, better choose someone with good character like frugal rather than vain. Those good character ones maybe plain looking but at least they dun give u too much headaches & heart pain. Nobody is perfect. Normally attractive looking comes with vain, spendthrift character. If you choose the wrong ones to spend your life, your life will end up in big mess & u r the ones always clean up the mess.
Some people whenever they have trouble, there is always benefactor come out help him settle the trouble or clean the shit he has created. Like our famous TV hostress Quan Yifeng, whenever she created troubles, her relative, Chen MingLee will immediately hire lawyer for her, using her network to help Quan Yifeng to be guilt free in any cases. Whereas other when they really need help, they r not the trouble maker but victim of poor fate, nobody lend them a help, even next kins or relative, they just left you in the lurch......Life is unfair, reality is cruel.
Just wondering is this related to the topic F&F?
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05-07-2015, 12:52 AM
