Relationship problem

[RedSotong]

Originally Posted by sammyboyfor

Should be : "My ADVICE is to move on.".

"Advise" is a verb.

Originally Posted by xyman

Amazing that no matter how many times u post this, we still use advise.. haha

for almost 7 years, i watch him correcting every Advice to Advise.

[sammyboyfor]

Originally Posted by RedSotong

for almost 7 years, i watch him correcting every Advice to Advise.

People don't learn when it comes to grammar just as they don't learn when it comes to relationships.

[Reoxy]

Bro Red Sotong,

I had a similar experience once...and I chose the same route that you have chosen. I gave her a chance. At the end of the day, the feelings are just now the same and we called it quits. She is married now and just had a baby and we are still friends.

What I want to tell you is this: Do not mix up the female perspective with the male perspective. I am not trying to say that we should have double standards when it comes to cheating on one's partner but the fact is the male and female species have very different ways of dealing with things like these.

When a woman forgives a man for cheating does not mean that a man can or should forgive should the tables be turned. All that matter is whether you can see a future in doing what you did.

My advice: Break up and move on. It is hard and you will be living in utter agony for at least 3 - 6 months. But these 3 - 6 months are not wasted because it gives you time to heal your wounds and reflect upon your mistakes so that you recover as a stronger person.

Can you really forget and forgive? There is no point in trying to convince yourself you can because it will only be a temporary hypnosis and once the effect wears off, you will just be hurting yourself and your partner.

[Zoick]

I am not going for long story. I don't think it will help. YOU NO NEED ANSWER. YOU HAVE YOUR ANSWER. what you need are support, support from bro to your answer. In your heart, you already forgave her, you already given her 2nd chance. If she cheat you again, based on your statement, i think you will give 3rd chance.

So now, assuming that chance given, now answer this question to yourself :

1) Will this incident, still remain in your mind? Please be honest to yourself, is your own future.

2) Will you still trust her? What if in future, her work need her to travel, to work OT, can you still sleep soundly, without any worry?

3) She need her social life too, even future both of you married. Can you trust her whenever she go out with her friends? Or you will keep checking her where about?

4) Lastly, every one have good and bad day. What if one day she not in good mood, will your mind running wild that she has something on? Or will you think that she no longer love you?

No need to reply to my questions. Those are for yours. Like i said, you have to be honest with the answers because they are for you, not any body else.

All the best and hope you get it over soon.

[jasper10]

Bro red sotong, whatever decision you make u will have my support... Be strong!!! Outside got alot flower waiting for you...

[RealEstateGuy]

Brother, some advice for you. Some of it may incorporate what others have wrote but read it as reemphasis:
1) Do you trust her? If you dont forget it.
2) Dont be in a rush to be with her. Let your thoughts settle.
3) You are the prize. Not her. You didnt cheat on her. It doesnt matter if the guy was married or not or she was deceived or not. It takes two hands to clap and she willingly took on somone else behind your back.
4) There was plenty of time for her to quit and either come clean or continue hiding it but she didnt. The trigger for the current situation is you found out. It was not voluntary disclosure on her part.
5) So not only did she cheat, she perpetuated a lie. And this is not a small white lie but one that often ends in divorce for married couples and also shattered lives if there are children.
6) Is this the kind of women, you would work blood, sweat and tears for to provide a good life, the best you can?

You decide. IMO she's not worth your time from this point on. What you suffer from is being afraid to break your routine and comfort of her being your GF. She didnt see you as her BF completely for a long time. Remember that.
Forget her feelings of being lied to. That is not your problem. Why are you protecting a cheater? Step outside of the situation and look at what is happening as if you are an outsider and you will see how ridiculous accepting her role as victim is as an excuse to be back together.

There are plenty of women in SG who would really value a guy like you who is loyal and faithful and protective. In this case you are protecting the wrong woman.

Tell her its done. She can do whatever she wants. You want no contact. Focus your energy on your work, school, family, friends, hobbies etc. for as long as it takes. Dont simmer, just enjoy single like and new found freedom then start dating again. You dont want to drag this into a relationship with a woman who could be wonderful for you. Don't look for a rebound either, you will just hurt some woman. Its bad karma brother to do that.

Take a deep breath and think what I wrote and if you concur do it. Its very hard to repair a relationship where cheating was involved. I have no statistics but ones that work are outliers, way at the tail end of the bell curve.

Keep us posted. Brother you can use us as threapy and when you recover and start dating someone who deserves you, let us know. You can come here and help others. BTW dont dive into the KTV and whore scene as refuge. Its nothing but a spiral down to a less than zero condition mentally. You dont wnat that kind of life. Its garbage and for losers brother.

Take care. Post back if you want more feedback or have questions. Brother we are all here to help.

Also dont do anything crazy to the loser guy who cheated with your soon to be ex. Hes rubbish and not worth you doing something stupid even if he deserves his ass kicked. Let it go. Karma will srike him back stronger than lightening.

[RealEstateGuy]

Originally Posted by dude25002500

Its quite sad, u kept blaming everyone, esp the guy, your gf.
Dude, u already know what happened. Pls wake up, tell your gf to F off. You deserve someone else better. What you need is the courage to go out, be single, live your life, and meet better girls. I did and i love my current gf now.

Sometimes, in life, there are certain things, which cannot be reversed and forgiven. This is one of them.

Brother, amen. This is succint solid advice. Im really worried he would do something unstable and dumb. You got the future ahead of you without the losers including your ex GF. Just walk away. Calm down and read my other post. Its long but I think we and others give you good advice. At the moment you yearn for familarity but its never gong to be the same and even if you get back together you will never forget. You can forgive but you will not forget. No woman is worth that kind of baggage when there is a wide seletion in all of SG to choose from. There are better.

[colins]

Originally Posted by RedSotong

I totally agree with all of you above..

.............

In my life, I encounter countless after marriage husband, with affair with KTV girls, WL and SYT Thai, PRC, VN, MY, SG.
So when guys make love with another woman, their wife ain't hurt ? their girlfriend won't feel the betray of trust ?

Wife esp, they are married to the guy, with kids. What more can they do beside divorce and live on and hope another guy will find love again ?

Most of them shallow their pride, hope their husband is just fooling outside and if they still come back home, they are satisfied.

I know this is about my relationship problem, i trying to view from all point of view and, and i had already decided, before creating this thread, to move on with her and giving her a chance. A chance, not another chance.

3 bros had share their stories, some close the chapter, some went on and on, some just went on and the love flame dies off.

If a guy deserve another chance when his wife found out his affair.

Should girl deserve it too ?
Does opp. sex have different advantages ?
or it is the Ego ?

Fully empathise on your situation, my friend. I too, went through similar experience with my ex who is now my wife. Although I took this path, I must say that every situation is different and my decision in my relationship may not apply to yours. But here's my thoughts.

Should a chance be given, and if given, what level of fairness should you expect from it? Are you only allowed to choose between chance and fairness, but never both? Are you giving her a chance or are you actually giving yourself a chance? And lastly, are you sure giving this chance is fair to both you and her?

I can see that a lot of your questions arise from your dilemma between these 2 and the uncertainty arising from your choice. Without a strong point of reference, you find it hard to justify the choice which your heart tells you to take. Perhaps that is why you need a role reversal becos a lot of us here do eat outside, so you may reckon if we can forgive ourselves doing the wrong things, we could somehow find it easy to forgive girls who cheat too.

My take is, only you will know. There is only one thing for certain, and that is you must learn to forgive them. If you trace back to the time when the 'affair' started, perhaps you may also find enough of your own fault to forgive as well.

Only when you forgive the past, will history stop repeating itself.

[sammyboyfor]

Originally Posted by colins

Should a chance be given, and if given, what level of fairness should you expect from it? Are you only allowed to choose between chance and fairness, but never both? Are you giving her a chance or are you actually giving yourself a chance? And lastly, are you sure giving this chance is fair to both you and her?

Fairness, forgiveness, 2nd chances etc are all totally irrelevant. The fact remains that the girl he loves doesn't really give a shit about him and that is the overriding factor upon which decisions should be made.

Why hang on to a girl who doesn't love you anymore? It's just dumb.

[colins]

Originally Posted by sammyboyfor

Fairness, forgiveness, 2nd chances etc are all totally irrelevant. The fact remains that the girl he loves doesn't really give a shit about him and that is the overriding factor upon which decisions should be made.

Why hang on to a girl who doesn't love you anymore? It's just dumb.

Becos the same girl is the only girl in the world who can tell you why you are worth loving or why you aren't.

I din say he should hang on. I said he should forgive, then decide.

[bigangry]

Hi redsotong,

if you truly love her, you will forgive her. and if she is serious about making things work again, you should be able to see if she is sincere. use your own judgement, if can work out then try your best so you wont regret later. if cannot then move on, there are alot of sad life stories in this world.

lastly dont use force to solve your problem, if things dont work out, go tell his wife and wreck his life too.. there are many ways to kill a cat, physically or emotionally, so always go for the emotional pain as they are harder to heal.

[Ichigo_Kurosaki]

Originally Posted by sammyboyfor

Fairness, forgiveness, 2nd chances etc are all totally irrelevant. .....

Why hang on to a girl who doesn't love you anymore? It's just dumb.

Boss Sam, I beg to differ.

Though TS is called RedSotong. He is not bumb like a Red deer nor blur like a Sotong, it's just 1 word that stretches his heart and makes him big inside: That word is LOVE

Since TS has decided to give it a chance, we can only wish him good luck and hope this chance will change for the better for him

[Glock]

Originally Posted by RedSotong

They have sex together, since Jan 2010, 9 months. the amount is of times they have sex, my girlfriend say she didn't count them. Then I ask more than 3 times ? she didn't answer me.


Now I know my girlfriend is also the victim. But I am also the victim.

Originally Posted by sammyboyfor

Fairness, forgiveness, 2nd chances etc are all totally irrelevant. The fact remains that the girl he loves doesn't really give a shit about him and that is the overriding factor upon which decisions should be made.

Why hang on to a girl who doesn't love you anymore? It's just dumb.

TS - the boss is right

it is over

dont think of her as the victim - she is not a victim , it is your need to take care of her and protect her that you are making up reasons for her

she is definitely using you , you are her fallback position , she is hoping maybe this guy will go for her eventually but until then she can have you to take care of her

in 9 months , fuck 3 times is VERY LITTLE . I guarantee you they fuck regularly

Originally Posted by Ichigo_Kurosaki

Boss Sam, I beg to differ.

Though TS is called RedSotong. He is not bumb like a Red deer nor blur like a Sotong, it's just 1 word that stretches his heart and makes him big inside: That word is LOVE

Since TS has decided to give it a chance, we can only wish him good luck and hope this chance will change for the better for him

this kind of encouragement is poison

you think you are helping him but you are stabbing him in the back

you watch too many movies , "love" is the number 1 excuse given for a lot of shit and to help bastards trick idiots

[Ichigo_Kurosaki]

Originally Posted by Glock

this kind of encouragement is poison

you think you are helping him but you are stabbing him in the back

you watch too many movies , "love" is the number 1 excuse given for a lot of shit and to help bastards trick idiots

Keep an arm's length in distance with your monitor and read again.
Thank you......

[Cheonging101]

Agreed with most bros here, bro TS...

1) I do not know how many guys out there are like that, but I personally won't give up the chance to bonk a busty chick if I just need to tell her that I'm not married (truth or otherwise). Sure, the guy is a sinner but I dare say that none of us are saints.

2) Consensual sex, like love, is a 2-way street. If your girl is really in love with you, no amount of lies from another party would make her fuck him willingly for God knows how many times FOR FREE.

3) The betrayal of the mind is the ultimate betrayal. Your girl has told you that she has feelings for the married guy. She did not have sex with him because she was lonely/horny/drunk/blur/retarded. She did it out of love, which should be reserved for you, for him.

4) Instigating and masterminding a permanent and/or life-threatening attack is a felony. Felonies are the type of crimes where they can sentence you to be thrown into a cell filled with butt-fucking hardcore criminals for decades. On top of that, not only your ass would be sore from the fucking, it would also be ripped open by the cane.

5) I will make it extremely simple in the form of an equation.
You - She says she loves you... But she won't have sex with you.
Him - She says she loves him... And she's having VERY regular sex with him while still "loving" you.

If that doesn't clue you in, bro TS, don't blame your girl - or even the married guy. Blame yourself.