Does guys really do mind gf/wife's past?

[breitlingbrat]

if she or he never know the past? it's better to just leave it unknown right?

[qwertyuiop]

Originally Posted by hazel

Anw.. what has past alrdy past
Thanks for sis n bro's comment.

Have a nice SUNday every1~!

U have a nice Sunday too! It's April Fool hazel.

[Slowz]

Seriously bro, why do you care what is your GF past stories? what important I think is the present stories and how much you really care about her now!!!

[5ag1_Boar]

It will bother some guys, and not others.

You can don't tell, but you run the risk that if he (meaning future partner) ever finds out, you could lose a good relationship.

So, you have to ask yourself, what's the chance he will ever find out. Are there photos/telephone numbers/other details of you floating on the internet that might surface? Or would this idiotic ex of yours tell him one day?

On the other hand, you could tell your future partner and see if he is willing to whole-heartedly accept.

Also depends on why you went into FL. I seriously dated an FL for 3 years. I accepted it because I knew of her circumstances (single mum, illness that limits her job options, medical costs, HDB flat loan, etc) that forced her into FL. If she went into FL because she wanted money to live the high life, I will not accept. (She quit FL when we started going out seriously.)

When to tell? I had a colourful past too, and I know there is a small chance some of it will return to bite me. I chose to tell my current gf about those things when I knew we were getting serious and about to "go steady". I told her that there are some things in my past she needs to know about and I want her to know now, before we have invested too much time and effort in the relationship.

Don't get too detailed... too much details makes it harder. Also, tell him, once he has accepted, it should never be brought up again. Then be prepared he might not accept.

[pua1983]

Just be truthful and let the other party decide loh. If cannot accept then move on loh.

For me i just look at the present and future as long the past doesn't come back haunting, else need to find a good solution to deal with it.

[Ichigo_Kurosaki]

IMHO, when apply honesty in a relationship, it's best to allow some flexibility depending on a case-by-case basis

[hazel]

Originally Posted by qwertyuiop

U have a nice Sunday too! It's April Fool hazel.

Haha!! happy april fool!

[hazel]

Originally Posted by Slowz

Seriously bro...

im sis -_-" pls read b4 post.. i've made myself clear almost in every pages ..zzz

[larue]

Let him know soon, and if he accepts it without fuss, he could really be fine with it. This is a guy who perhaps accepts you as you are and what you will be to him, and who knows no good could possibly come out of knowing too much of your past.

If he wants to know everything, or nearly everything, he will never let it go no matter what he says.

If they say they are okay with it, extract a promise that it will never be raised again in your relationship. If they bring up the issue even once when things get unhappy, it will not be the last time.

[goodpartner]

Originally Posted by hazel

hmmm... but i tink every1 shld be sensitive enff that, ranking up the past (esp. FL'ing stuff) might hurt the r/s

It really depends on personal character; some individuals are just quick temper, someone who flare up in a moment but seldom keep things at heart and probably knew what was said is hurtful (which is the purpose at that moment) BUT never think that the victim will take it so seriously & kept in heart (since himself would not keep things in heart). If these remarks are made to someone who is of opposite personality; i.e. someone who have the memory of an elephant, who likes to keep things at heart forever & mention it after 7 years, then such r/s will be difficult to keep. So then it's up to both to see if they want to understand each other and give way.

Anyway, my previous point is that with regards to a past of "FL-ing", it's mostly a black & white thingy; if a guy accepted you from the start, he would have taken the stand that he'll like to love you enough to overcome any hurdles that may follows which spoil the r/s including defending for your stand b4 family/friends, physo-ing himself that it's OK, etc.

NOW, if the r/s hits the rocks in the midst and become shaky due to differences or 3rd-parties, at that point in time any discussion on your past are merely EXCUSES to a possible break up.

So it's either acceptance up front with ongoing "love" to keep such difficult r/s burning strongly, OR the chickening out of the r/s at mid point given such excuses only later.

人生有三样东西不可挽回：时间，机遇，以及说出去的话。如果你不爱一个人，请放手，好让别人有机会​爱她。 如果你爱的人放弃了你，请放开自己，好让自​己有机会爱别人。

[Apocalypse]

Different guy, different stroke.
Different scenario, different attitude also

My FB, I dun mind her past. I just need her to be STD free.
My GF, it depends on how much she tells me. I have had gfs that stop at "I did it with one guy before" and I have had gfs who told me in depth about what she did with her guys". It only becomes a problem, when I feel there are unfair comparisons, since its impossible to compete with a memory. Memory is sweet, its sweet. Memory is shiok, its shiok. I am not a memory, I am living in the now, quarrelling with her, making up with her. You have to constantly remind yourself that you have her with you, and that is important, and not someone else. Over time, it gets better.

[TyLa_BaBy]

Honesty should be established from the start if you intend for the relationship to be long-term... Otherwise, don't expect neutrality when you - or the other party - gets "surprises" from the past.

[hornie]

Originally Posted by hazel

Hmmm... is this being 大男人 leh?
No offence

Yeah no offence at all. Everyone is just airing their personal opinion. I see a lot of "open minded" people here all saying that past is past and they can accept. But I think actions speak louder than words. It is not easy. Personally I can safely say that I will not be able to accept that. Why? Because I have no respect for hookers. Yes it is extremely mean to say but when a person start collecting $100 bucks from any tom dick and hairy on the street and do anything they want, then they have no self respect.

It does not matter if they do it not for the high life and the cash but to take care of family, house loans etc etc etc. In the end if you are poor, or in a bad financial situation then just suck it up and carry on with life. Not every poor person in the world is a hooker right? I have more respect for the karang guni aunty who picks up aluminium cans and leads a poor life than a hooker.

But that is just me. Everyone is entitled to his opinion. Some of you guys will probably think I am cruel. But yes life is cruel, and certain decisions you make in life will make people think badly of you. It is just how it works.

[larue]

Originally Posted by hornie

Yeah no offence at all. Everyone is just airing their personal opinion. I see a lot of "open minded" people here all saying that past is past and they can accept. But I think actions speak louder than words. It is not easy. Personally I can safely say that I will not be able to accept that. Why? Because I have no respect for hookers. Yes it is extremely mean to say but when a person start collecting $100 bucks from any tom dick and hairy on the street and do anything they want, then they have no self respect.

It does not matter if they do it not for the high life and the cash but to take care of family, house loans etc etc etc. In the end if you are poor, or in a bad financial situation then just suck it up and carry on with life. Not every poor person in the world is a hooker right? I have more respect for the karang guni aunty who picks up aluminium cans and leads a poor life than a hooker.

But that is just me. Everyone is entitled to his opinion. Some of you guys will probably think I am cruel. But yes life is cruel, and certain decisions you make in life will make people think badly of you. It is just how it works.

Do you happen to screw hookers?

Have to agree with 'It is just how it works' part though. Sad but true that society is full of norms that just go against the very nature of humanity, simply because of the equally innate need for human beings to feel ''good'' about themselves, resulting in delusions so real they become truth, but in reality only a bunch of suppressed lies.

[TyLa_BaBy]

Originally Posted by hornie

Personally I can safely say that I will not be able to accept that. Why? Because I have no respect for hookers. Yes it is extremely mean to say but when a person start collecting $100 bucks from any tom dick and hairy on the street and do anything they want, then they have no self respect.

I have more respect for the karang guni aunty who picks up aluminium cans and leads a poor life than a hooker.

But that is just me. Everyone is entitled to his opinion. Some of you guys will probably think I am cruel. But yes life is cruel, and certain decisions you make in life will make people think badly of you. It is just how it works.

While I have to applaud you for your honesty, on the other hand it seems ironic that you visit a sex forum such as this one which is prolific with hookers' contacts and details. Do you frequent hookers? If you do, are they actually treated as humans while they're paid to service you? I guess one can safely assume you will never allow yourself to fall for a hooker since you have no respect for them.

On another note, I'm curious as to what you feel towards porn stars (if we actually had them on local shores). Do you have little – if any – respect for them too?