Ex girlfriend is asking for alimony.

[primechoice]

Hey guys,

I am lost and I dont know what to do now.
i am newly married, 1 year plus. we haven't planned for family or anything yet. then suddenly, my ex-gf contacted me. she said that she has been taking care of my son and back then she was married. she had an affair with me and she even lied to me being single back then.

she said her number - 2 son belongs to me while number 1 and 3 belong to her ex-husband or current husband, i dont even know. so many lies and twists i got myself blur too.
she engaged a lawyer and asked for an alimony of 1xxx/month for that boy who is i believe 6-7 years old now.

do i need to obediently pay her? all along she has never told me that he is my son. she kept quiet when she gave birth to him. i have seen him only once in my life. she once hinted that he was mine and that's all. i didnt bother probing further because back then there was no problem. turning back time, i should have probed further. also back then, she lied, saying she was single, she got pregnant and then disappeared, came back 3 years later saying she was back with her husband and gave birth to 2 more kids. etc. lots of lies covering another. making the matter worse, she was married then, committed adultery and now, an ex bf has to take care of a son who he is still unsure if he is his or not.

she challenged me for paternity tests but she wants me to pay for everything too.

bros, any suggestions?

[gilberts]

Do a DNA test it does not cos much instead throwing money into a endless hole in the end might not be yours

[yangguo]

Originally Posted by primechoice

she challenged me for paternity tests but she wants me to pay for everything too.

bros, any suggestions?

Don't you wanna know whether you are the real father of her 2nd child?

Anyway the cost of a DNA test will not cost you a bomb, it probably costs slight more than $600.

If you are proven to be the child's real father, I urge you to seek advice from your lawyer whether you are legally liable to pay alimony to her since she was not married to you.

Ethnically and morally speaking, I think you should do so.

[sta1100]

Hi bro, can you answer the following :

1) how long has she gone back before she reappears to inform you that she has tr kid
2) where is she from
3) how long you know before she screw her raw
4) what did she work as when you know her

With this information we might be able to advice you

[primechoice]

Originally Posted by yangguo

Don't you wanna know whether you are the real father of her 2nd child?

Anyway the cost of a DNA test will not cost you a bomb, it probably costs slight more than $600.

If you are proven to be the child's real father, I urge you to seek advice from your lawyer whether you are legally liable to pay alimony to her since she was not married to you.

Ethnically and morally speaking, I think you should do so.

Ethnically and morally, I dont mind but dont just bomb out of a sudden demanding all these. i have my personal plans too.

[primechoice]

Originally Posted by sta1100

Hi bro, can you answer the following :

1) how long has she gone back before she reappears to inform you that she has tr kid
2) where is she from
3) how long you know before she screw her raw
4) what did she work as when you know her

With this information we might be able to advice you

She is singaporean. I was in my last year of Poly when i met her. she is 2-3 years my senior. I believe it was in 2002 or so. She told me she was pregnant and that she has a husband. I was shocked. She then went MIA for about 2-3 years (unreachable). She came back and just dropped me an SMS that she is back in Singapore. She told me she gave birth to a baby (still married to her hubby then)

A few years later, she told me she is getting a divorce. How that went through up til now, I am unsure. a few months ago she called me, saying that her hubby is paying for her kids and her and she wants me to pay for her second child and then she went MIA again and then the letter came.

question 3. I was in school back then and i wanted a gf/wife. i always took precaution but she always tried to do me raw. i think we had it raw twice or thrice.

question 4. too sensitive....

[Brainstorm]

Originally Posted by primechoice

she said her number - 2 son belongs to me while number 1 and 3 belong to her ex-husband or current husband

so many lies and twists i got myself blur too.

she engaged a lawyer and asked for an alimony of 1xxx/month for that boy who is i believe 6-7 years old now.

she challenged me for paternity tests but she wants me to pay for everything too.

The lawyer's letter is a good way of scaring guys who don't know their rights in law. Firstly, alimony is what an ex-husband gives to his ex-wife. I think you are referring to child maintenance. Thanks to Cao Guo Hui, we men have a better idea of all these issues now. If you didn't go any paternity tests, you can't be liable for any child maintenance. Under our law, no one can force you to take the test too. So you can die die don't do the test.

But you sound like a nice guy who is willing to raise the child if the child is indeed yours. But she is a persistent liar. Could it be a case where the ex-husband can't pay enough child maintenance for 3 kids, that's why she needs to find extra source of income for child maintenance? could the ex-husband be paying for 3 kids now and she wants you to pay for the 2nd kid? Then the mum will receive 2 sets of child maintenance for the 2nd kid right? How can like that?

Seek legal advice from a lawyer. Don't save the money, the other party already contacted a lawyer. If you chose to do a paternity test, why not ask for the blood group of the child before doing the test? Actually, sometimes from the blood group, you will know the kid isn't yours. If the mum's blood type is A, your blood type is A, the kid's blood type won't be AB right?

[primechoice]

yes yes, child maintenance is the term they use.
however, in the letter, it was stated this way, before she applies to court for an order for you to provide a reasonable monthly maintenance for xxxx, we have been instructed to write to you, on a strictly without prejudice basis blablabla...

and then,
we are confident that as the natural father, you will see the need to ensure that his welfare is well looked after and he is nor made to suffer as a result of our client's inability to provide .....

it makes it seems like I am against the law. honestly, i dont know. can she apply for court order? my case sounds like Cao Guo Hui, yes but again, he is a celebrity. lots of people are on his side. ahahaha i am just an ordinary dude.

i heard from my friend, just die die dont pay for it. die die dont pay cos if i start, in the future, she wanna get nasty, she will become unreasonable and demand for more....

[Schnitzer]

no need to pay bro..get the test done..and if indeed it was truly yours, it will child maintenance only...anyway..she cant hold u ransom as ur not married to her at any point of time u were bonking her n after right ?! to build your case, dig some info on her past..who knows..u might end up having an ace on your sleeve...

[Brainstorm]

You must understand how lawyers earn money. Lawyers earn money regardless of whether their clients win or lose a case. So this lawyer knows her case is weak, otherwise the letter won't be sent out on a without prejudice manner already. This lawyer is also hoping you will cock up and start paying. Don't ever pay or admit responsibility, especially when the kid might not be yours. Thank goodness you came to this forum. Now go get a cheap lawyer to write a letter back.

You didn't break any law. Don't worry. It's not a crime to have sex with her.

and then, we are confident that as the natural father, you will see the need to ensure that his welfare is well looked after and he is nor made to suffer as a result of our client's inability to provide .....

The above statement is the most talk cock statement, meant to bluff you. It sounds very reasonable but it's based on the assumption that you are the natural father. If I were you, I will write back that you can't be assumed to be the natural father and you have no legal responsibility to prove the child is yours. Get a lawyer to use lawyer language to shoot them back. Do not ever do any paternity test without getting legal advice first. There is no law to force you to do a paternity test in Singapore, please remember that.

[primechoice]

Wow,
thanks bros. Anyway, i have been browsing this forum for quite a while la. normal, lurkers. then when i got busy, i didnt read but when i got this letter, i know that i can get some decent advise here.

next question, any cheap and good lawyer to intro?
i am so glad this if favouring me.

[primechoice]

anyway, for now, i just ignore it until i get a lawyer?
the line that scares me is, "before she applies to court for an order for you to provide a reasonable monthly maintenance for....."

[Spectrre]

Lawyers always like to use fancy words to scare pple.

we are confident that as the natural father, you will see the need to ensure that his welfare is well looked after and he is nor made to suffer as a result of our client's inability to provide .....

Talk Cock la.

Lawyers can only scare pple who dont know the law or when they are really guilty.

[sean69]

Originally Posted by primechoice

my case sounds like Cao Guo Hui, yes but again, he is a celebrity. lots of people are on his side. ahahaha i am just an ordinary dude.
....

actually.. not a lot of pple is on CGH's side... but thanks to him, you should know that no one can force you to take a DNA/paternity test..

since she is a divorcee, she is getting alimony and child support from her ex-husband.. she is milking you for additional money... if her ex-husband knows that one of the kids is not his, he will not pay child support for that kid... who knows, he may even make a big fuss and refuse to pay alimony cos she committed adultery while they were still married..

[primechoice]

Originally Posted by Spectrre

Lawyers always like to use fancy words to scare pple.

we are confident that as the natural father, you will see the need to ensure that his welfare is well looked after and he is nor made to suffer as a result of our client's inability to provide .....

Talk Cock la.

Lawyers can only scare pple who dont know the law or when they are really guilty.

In this case, I am innocent until proven guilty, secondly, i dunno the law if she can enforce anything on me. Well, not until bro brainstorm opened up some lights at the end of the tunnel and some nice moral support from bro schnitzer.

I honestly dont mind helping but dont force me and i dont want it to be recorded that i am helping that in the future if i wanna back out, i cant.