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Matters of the Heart. Has a Commercial Fuck turned into a torrid Love Affair which has turned your life upside down? Fear not. We have experts here who can help you through your roller coaster ride. Tell us your story and we'll do our best to help. |
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#31
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Re: What is going thru your mind when you realise your marriage is no longer salvagab
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__________________
The Best Way to overcome heart break is in the arms of another. You focus on making money, you get girls, you focus on your body, you get sex, you focus on the girl, you get NOTHING but heartache and disappointment |
#32
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Re: What is going thru your mind when you realise your marriage is no longer salvagab
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I am coming from a perspective that you are too fixated with who is wrong, who is right, who has changed, who has not changed, who is the punching bag, who is nice etc. Nobody likes to be married to a priest who is always judging characters. Or an accountant counting who's right and who's wrong. Or a historian. What a suffocating relationship! Overbearing, to say the least. You don't do that with a new girl you meet, do you? You talk happy things only and hope she will go out with you again, ain't it? So why don't you treat your wife like a new girl? Why don't you live and let live? Have a giggle. Have a laugh. Crack a joke. Don't take things too seriously. Accept that there will be differences - no two people are the same. Hug her once in a while. Be a punching bag for her. Cross each day happily. If you set the tone for a conversation/relationship to be free wheeling and light hearted, I can't see how she will persist in being confrontational. Have a think. Or stay fixated. Your marriage bro, not mine. |
#33
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Re: What is going thru your mind when you realise your marriage is no longer salvagab
lol...preacher got to do what he preaches....
self righteousness just doesn't touch people's heart these days
__________________
The Best Way to overcome heart break is in the arms of another. You focus on making money, you get girls, you focus on your body, you get sex, you focus on the girl, you get NOTHING but heartache and disappointment |
#34
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Re: What is going thru your mind when you realise your marriage is no longer salvagab
I ask myself why we started and how we got to this stage of no return, and what can be done.
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#35
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Re: What is going thru your mind when you realise your marriage is no longer salvagab
HI MoeLanYong,
I agree with you. The sad thing is I have done everything you said. She is a nice person for a while, then she will change again. To use your example. You talk happy things, she is happy and one day, when you talk happy things, she just changes completely . It's like a wife beater, you try your best to work out the differences. He is nice to you for a while and says he will never do it. Then he is back to beating his wife. As you know, in a relationship it takes two people to work it out. If only one person is trying all the time, it does not work. Also, I have to admit, that after 8 years of going through the same cycle over and over again, its hard to want to reconcile. Why? because after 8 years you think the person is going to change again? Also, after 8 years, you lose the trust, you lost your love etc... you just want to avoid the cycle. I am guessing, you have never experience something like this and thus you are not able to imagine it. Quote:
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#36
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Re: What is going thru your mind when you realise your marriage is no longer salvagab
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Erm.....I did experience the same and wrote about it in my first post to you. My first gf of 7 years. So I know perfectly what you are saying. A suffocating relationship of analysing each other's character ....."cycles and cycles of long talks of who, what, how to change" .....to a point where I lost interest in even wanting the relationship to work. The difference is I could walk off. Learn. Re-start a new relationship on a different footing, whereas you can't. You are stuck in a marriage. With the same person. With a kid. Your path to recovery is harder. If you even want a recovery which atm, I am pretty sure you don't. This is a good time to Pause. Think. Reflect. Lets square up the facts. You and I know, the status quo is miserable. No happiness. Living with the "enemy". A divorce will be drastic. Change of living arrangement. You will not get daily access to your kid. Maybe it is worth exploring. Maybe it is not. Consider an improbable. A situation where you and your wife can be happy. You can get to see your kid everyday. You can have a beautiful family. Nice? An objective worth trying for? What will it cost? That you Change your mind. Re-look things. Perhaps she is not the enemy. Perhaps that argument was not that important. Perhaps it is not so important to suss out the 7 things you and her need to do. Perhaps it is not so important to debate every single miniscule matter. Some things can be left unsaid. You can make things light hearted as you said and I quote, "you talk happy things, she is happy and one day, when you talk happy things, she just changes completely." So let her change! What is wrong with it? You a control freak?? She "changes completely". You withhold the unhappy things you want to say to her. Hold your peace. Do your things. Ignore her. And when there is another opportune time, you talk happy things with her again. SO your conversations with her are ONLY happy talk. Cut off the unhappy talk. Make it through the day with just happy talk and hopefully some lame jokes. Good enough for a day! Don't worry about tomorrow or her "changing completely". Do the happy talk for a week. Then pat yourself on your back - you did amazing. Do it for a month and see how refreshing it can be! Do it a year, I put money on it she will reciprocate. You are still obsessed with her "changing completely" or how she should react. Perhaps the only real change needed is for you to CHANGE your mind on how you view things. Not try to change her. You see, your default mode is still to blame her. Last edited by MoeLanYong; 23-02-2018 at 07:35 PM. |
#37
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Re: What is going thru your mind when you realise your marriage is no longer salvagab
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it shows a couple a giver and a taker who puts in a lot of effort and the other taken for granted. And at the end the giver feels there is nothing more to give. disappointment leads to anger, and more disappointment leads to hurt, pain, sadness. The harder you work, and if the person just keeps taking, you come to a point that enough is enough. I am there. And accepting that I am in this position, rather than be angry, feeling disappointed, hurt is better than trying everything I can for the last 10 years and coming up empty in return
__________________
The Best Way to overcome heart break is in the arms of another. You focus on making money, you get girls, you focus on your body, you get sex, you focus on the girl, you get NOTHING but heartache and disappointment |
#38
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Re: What is going thru your mind when you realise your marriage is no longer salvagab
If I were to summarize what you said, "If she slaps you, just take the slap and then ignore it" Then when she is happy, you can then talk to her and have a happy conversation.
I am glad you are able to do that. You are a saint. Congrats to you. I am not. I am just a typical human. Quote:
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#39
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Re: What is going thru your mind when you realise your marriage is no longer salvagab
This thread chiminology ....
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#40
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Re: What is going thru your mind when you realise your marriage is no longer salvagab
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#41
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Re: What is going thru your mind when you realise your marriage is no longer salvagab
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#42
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Re: What is going thru your mind when you realise your marriage is no longer salvagab
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I am a typical human being too. And the experience of being battered, abused, ignored doesn't motivate me to work anymore on the marriage after so many years. Saints...hahaha. I like your term. Olympic swimmers do the work, get into the pool. People who talk only are people who swim on dry land, watch the swimmers on TV. They never get wet but talk like experts.
__________________
The Best Way to overcome heart break is in the arms of another. You focus on making money, you get girls, you focus on your body, you get sex, you focus on the girl, you get NOTHING but heartache and disappointment |
#43
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Yes, the divorce is gg to be a nightmare. As it is, he is a complete asshole. Till today, he is still telling me he will give up our 2 children for the slut if he needs to choose. If not, we can move on as a family? By accepting the slut into the family? He must hv watched too many TV dramas! I rather live and die alone than share my man with a Low class slut who opens her legs for money. |
#44
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Re: What is going thru your mind when you realise your marriage is no longer salvagab
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if its moving on, and it makes you happier, than do it. Chase your future, focus on yourself and your family
__________________
The Best Way to overcome heart break is in the arms of another. You focus on making money, you get girls, you focus on your body, you get sex, you focus on the girl, you get NOTHING but heartache and disappointment |
#45
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Re: What is going thru your mind when you realise your marriage is no longer salvagab
Saint nope. Just a happily married man with kids sharing some observations. I am not into "I feel your pain bro, my wife was such a biatch, this is what she did etc", just to pally up with you. So fake. I prefer to tell the problem as it is. Directly. Most times, the problem is with the men - because they are the head of the household and drive the relationship.
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