Emotional Abuse

[2359]

I do not know where should I start, life is imbalance between my relationship and my work. I am in my fifty and I am lost in my relationship. I am troubled and sad everyday but I need to act like nothing happen.

My wife is an OCD and personality disorder plus control freak. You can’t imagine what I am going thru. It’s not physical but everyday it is an emotional abuse to me.

We have been together for 27 years! And recent two years, no sex but scolding from her. It can start from a very minor thing to anything. I am in deep trouble and doesn’t know how to resolve it.

My friend once told me that Hey, you are given an option to leave her but you choose to stay. So please don’t say no choice.

There are two reasons which I can’t leave her. First - I need to work in order to provide for my mother which is in her eighties that is living with her sister. Second - I need to provide for my only daughter that is still schooling. You may ask, what is the problem with that. You can still work after your divorce. She threatens to go to my office to make a scene if I leave her. I know she is capable to do it.

I am senior management in my company and I can’t afford this happen. I have two hundred plus head counts reporting to me and it is a joke I can’t handle my relationship at home.

She has been calling me names in front of my daughter and helper. Moronic, stupid, useless man, brainless man, and F word etc. 95% of the time I have to keep quiet and let her scold. The 5% I cannot take it and retaliate. The situation will get worst with screaming, and banging of doors or asking me to leave the house.

She accused me for not earning enough so that she can no need to work. Her work is so stressful everyday and I should behave and make her happy. If I wanted to be a man, then provide her and family everything then I can give her black face.

We work our way to current living standard. The condo and living standard needs two income to sustain. Two holidays per year and restaurant almost every weekends. Two of us must work in order to continue. Yes I am paying almost everything but it is still not enough. Suggest to her why don’t she resigned and she said that can you afford everything including the two holidays? If you cannot, please shut up and use your brain to think before you speak!

I love this woman but everything’s has been going her way and I do not have any respect at all. I need to ask permission to meet my friends and even company meeting at night, I have to show the email as a prove. She can go out with her friends anytime and till 2, 3 am. I usually back home before 1030 pm. The fear in me already override everything I think a human being suppose to have. One year, I think less than 5 meet up with my friends.

It is worst when going oversea. If you are an ocd or your love one is an ocd. You will know what I meant. The hotel rooms are all very dirty and we are not supposed to anyhow put out things or walk around. Failing to do so, any scolding and blaming. Even in my house, I can’t anyhow sit or lye down.

I have no more friends and everyday and weekend, tons of things to do. No hobbies and no love. Two years without sex. She thinks it is dirty and she doesn’t like it. In front of my colleagues, I am a leader, at home I am just another helper.

Are you having the same experience or do you once had this experience? I think many of us are in this situation in regardless you are a man or woman. Many times, we can’t act on it because there are too many things for us to consider. We trying to be logical. It is not physical abuse and emotional abuse is something we can’t see the physical evident. Do you have any good lawyer to recommend for a consultation on my rights? Thank you brothers

[Frostfeel]

Both of u need help. Really

[Shanmoogan]

Bro I empahhatise your situation . Looks like both of you need to see k help from mental health experts .

[Beachsea]

Bro is it everything also she made a fuss?

And she get agitated not just by u alone ?

If so , high chance menopause. those bad kind one.
Please check on it and see how to make it work. it takes maybe 1-2 years sometimes longer.

[MoeLanYong]

TS,

One, you spent too much time managing your company and not enough time managing your home. Time to balance it.

Two, she has a point. If you want your 2 holidays a year and weekend restaurant trips, then you have to put up with the stress it causes her. Her aggression is a by-product of the stress at her work place. Promote her to a tai tai and abandon your lifestyle if you want her docile.

Three, you have only 1 kid, 1 wife and 1 mom to care for. I can't see how a senior manager can't cope financially when most of us have the same or more burden. My point is - take it in your stride. Choose your lifestyle wisely. You can't have your cake and eat it.

Four, a sexless union breeds contempt. You have to somehow find a way to have sex with her. Perhaps you have lost the desire. Perhaps she has. You managed to get her panty off back in those days in spite of her finding it dirty, didn't you? Why not now? Without that sexual intimacy, it is not surprising she is hostile.

Five, keeping quiet 95% is avoiding that conversation that needs to be had. Couples need to communicate. Talk, reason, argue. Learn to communicate without quarrelling - it is an acquired skill.

Six, you don't need a lawyer or rights. You just need to learn to manage your marriage. There is no perfect marriage. Just hard work of trying and trying again. Spend time managing your home. not your 250 employees. One will give you happiness.

Cheers

[whitecrane]

Originally Posted by MoeLanYong

TS,

One, you spent too much time managing your company and not enough time managing your home. Time to balance it.

Two, she has a point. If you want your 2 holidays a year and weekend restaurant trips, then you have to put up with the stress it causes her. Her aggression is a by-product of the stress at her work place. Promote her to a tai tai and abandon your lifestyle if you want her docile.

Three, you have only 1 kid, 1 wife and 1 mom to care for. I can't see how a senior manager can't cope financially when most of us have the same or more burden. My point is - take it in your stride. Choose your lifestyle wisely. You can't have your cake and eat it.

Four, a sexless union breeds contempt. You have to somehow find a way to have sex with her. Perhaps you have lost the desire. Perhaps she has. You managed to get her panty off back in those days in spite of her finding it dirty, didn't you? Why not now? Without that sexual intimacy, it is not surprising she is hostile.

Five, keeping quiet 95% is avoiding that conversation that needs to be had. Couples need to communicate. Talk, reason, argue. Learn to communicate without quarrelling - it is an acquired skill.

Six, you don't need a lawyer or rights. You just need to learn to manage your marriage. There is no perfect marriage. Just hard work of trying and trying again. Spend time managing your home. not your 250 employees. One will give you happiness.

Cheers

Sounds like very good advise .

[larue]

Leave her. For yourself and your daughter. Stop lookng for reasons why you can't.

Make written notes of her abusive behaviour for two weeks. Time, nature of incident and witnesses present.

Offer her psychiatric help kindly (at last try to sound kind), electroshock therapy and whatnot. Then take note of her rejections of your help because you will be rejected and you know it.

Seek legal advice.

I bet she doesn't pull that shit with her co workers, boss or friends. Why should you and your daughter suffer that sort of abuse?

Your love for her worth all this abuse?

[keano]

when the shit hits the fan u turned to shit?

come on man..u are 50 plus and u are asking for advice? you should be the one enlightening us...

not to be mean but maybe

1) you had a history of being tiko and sleep around, hence your wife is paranoid? ( if she knows )

2) the lifestyle is horrible..who take 2 holidays in a year when half the population in sg is starving?

3) every weekend eat good food..not healthy la

4) too much moneyy already..go poor and see your wife can tahan anot..if cannot she leave u first then maybe you are happier

5) dunno what to say liao..ur issue is no issue

6) ok about this point of no sex in for 2 years..how old is your wife now? maybe she don't feel it anymore..jus so coz of her age? that can't be help right? ( i not sure..any ideas from other bros ? )

[ramon]

Dear TS,

You must confront your wife and tell her that both of you may have one or two mental condition that require help because you may be suffering from stress and depression while she may be suffering from OCD, stress and depression.

This cannot continue for long or else you may turn suicidal because your wife can vent her anger and frustration at you but you don't have anywhere to turn to.

Don't wait till your breaking point then you end up doing something stupid.

[hi2u]

Every bro who commented here has a point. Bro TS, read through them with an open mind.
From what you have shared, perhaps your self-esteem has been hit hard by how your wife treated you, especially when she does those things you mentioned in front of your kids.
However, I would also like to point out that, you have done good hanging in there until now.
Talking about it here, you are already seeking help from us. It doesn't matter whether you are 15 years old or 50 years old, help seeking has no age limit or minimum age.
You shared that your wife has personality disorder and OCD, has she seek professional treatment in the past?
If yes, is she still going through treatment now? If she has stopped, what made her stop?
On the other hand, you might want to pick a good day (that could be tough, but just pick the best day out of all the bad days you have), and open yourself to her. You have tried keeping quiet and things are still not working out. Open yourself up to her means to share with her your feelings of her treatment towards you, including your sexual needs. Given her personality disorder, planning what you want to say would help to ensure she does not get triggered off.
I would also be worried for your kids in terms of the potential emotional torture they could be going through.

[youmee]

I can emphasis with TS. I think i am in a very similar situation.

As for me, i learn to avoid certain topics and less conversation between wife. Cause its pretty obvious, our communication has come to a roadblock whereby both of us do not understand each other and we have our own thinking.

Contemplating a divorce definetely comes up every now and then. But not getting a divorce, for me, is being emotionally attach to this family we built, coming to terms that your spouse has changed, it really takes time for it to really sink in. As for now, i am just avoiding because of my sons and also because, financially, not so stable as yet.

Being in a loveless relationship is also taking its toll. Sex apart, simple pecks or holding hand or even sms concern is out of the picture. That is what it is now.

The changes in my wife? I can attributes to the influence surrounding her. Social media defintely is playing a big part in giving a false impression everyone is living a good life and so "she" should be entitled.

I can only blame myself for not earning enough for her expectation. But then again, what is enough? I have a roof over my heads, no debts, but it is not enough.

TS is a executive, stays condo, travel twice yearly, apparently it is also not enough.

For TS, i would suggest, you find some new hobbies, engage in new friends,to make do with the emptiness left by your wife. Life is not just about being in her control. We need to live for ourself once.

[Boaring8]

Originally Posted by MoeLanYong

TS,

One, you spent too much time managing your company and not enough time managing your home. Time to balance it.

Two, she has a point. If you want your 2 holidays a year and weekend restaurant trips, then you have to put up with the stress it causes her. Her aggression is a by-product of the stress at her work place. Promote her to a tai tai and abandon your lifestyle if you want her docile.

Three, you have only 1 kid, 1 wife and 1 mom to care for. I can't see how a senior manager can't cope financially when most of us have the same or more burden. My point is - take it in your stride. Choose your lifestyle wisely. You can't have your cake and eat it.

Four, a sexless union breeds contempt. You have to somehow find a way to have sex with her. Perhaps you have lost the desire. Perhaps she has. You managed to get her panty off back in those days in spite of her finding it dirty, didn't you? Why not now? Without that sexual intimacy, it is not surprising she is hostile.

Five, keeping quiet 95% is avoiding that conversation that needs to be had. Couples need to communicate. Talk, reason, argue. Learn to communicate without quarrelling - it is an acquired skill.

Six, you don't need a lawyer or rights. You just need to learn to manage your marriage. There is no perfect marriage. Just hard work of trying and trying again. Spend time managing your home. not your 250 employees. One will give you happiness.

Cheers

Very well said bro!

[MoeLanYong]

Bro youmee,
A roof over our heads and zero debts is the stuff most men dream of.....


Bro whitecrane,
Thanks

[FreebiezWanker]

She got u by the balls man...Typical Queen control. Seems like she just needs ur income n not u. If u can settle office scene, u shld just walk out. Ur pride, ur dignity, ur honour n even self respect all gone. If u dun make a stand, this will be ur life till the day u die... maybe unless she kena a stroke la...lol. Then u can fuck her back.

[centrinocock]

Originally Posted by 2359

I do not know where should I start, life is imbalance between my relationship and my work. I am in my fifty and I am lost in my relationship. I am troubled and sad everyday but I need to act like nothing happen.

My wife is an OCD and personality disorder plus control freak. You can’t imagine what I am going thru. It’s not physical but everyday it is an emotional abuse to me.

We have been together for 27 years! And recent two years, no sex but scolding from her. It can start from a very minor thing to anything. I am in deep trouble and doesn’t know how to resolve it.

My friend once told me that Hey, you are given an option to leave her but you choose to stay. So please don’t say no choice.

There are two reasons which I can’t leave her. First - I need to work in order to provide for my mother which is in her eighties that is living with her sister. Second - I need to provide for my only daughter that is still schooling. You may ask, what is the problem with that. You can still work after your divorce. She threatens to go to my office to make a scene if I leave her. I know she is capable to do it.

I am senior management in my company and I can’t afford this happen. I have two hundred plus head counts reporting to me and it is a joke I can’t handle my relationship at home.

She has been calling me names in front of my daughter and helper. Moronic, stupid, useless man, brainless man, and F word etc. 95% of the time I have to keep quiet and let her scold. The 5% I cannot take it and retaliate. The situation will get worst with screaming, and banging of doors or asking me to leave the house.

She accused me for not earning enough so that she can no need to work. Her work is so stressful everyday and I should behave and make her happy. If I wanted to be a man, then provide her and family everything then I can give her black face.

We work our way to current living standard. The condo and living standard needs two income to sustain. Two holidays per year and restaurant almost every weekends. Two of us must work in order to continue. Yes I am paying almost everything but it is still not enough. Suggest to her why don’t she resigned and she said that can you afford everything including the two holidays? If you cannot, please shut up and use your brain to think before you speak!

I love this woman but everything’s has been going her way and I do not have any respect at all. I need to ask permission to meet my friends and even company meeting at night, I have to show the email as a prove. She can go out with her friends anytime and till 2, 3 am. I usually back home before 1030 pm. The fear in me already override everything I think a human being suppose to have. One year, I think less than 5 meet up with my friends.

It is worst when going oversea. If you are an ocd or your love one is an ocd. You will know what I meant. The hotel rooms are all very dirty and we are not supposed to anyhow put out things or walk around. Failing to do so, any scolding and blaming. Even in my house, I can’t anyhow sit or lye down.

I have no more friends and everyday and weekend, tons of things to do. No hobbies and no love. Two years without sex. She thinks it is dirty and she doesn’t like it. In front of my colleagues, I am a leader, at home I am just another helper.

Are you having the same experience or do you once had this experience? I think many of us are in this situation in regardless you are a man or woman. Many times, we can’t act on it because there are too many things for us to consider. We trying to be logical. It is not physical abuse and emotional abuse is something we can’t see the physical evident. Do you have any good lawyer to recommend for a consultation on my rights? Thank you brothers

You sound like the guy staying below me. Ask ur wife to low down her voice when scolding u, We all can hear it, but nothing i can do yo help you. Maybe find a good FL and enjoy a good 2hr will destress you.