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Matters of the Heart. Has a Commercial Fuck turned into a torrid Love Affair which has turned your life upside down? Fear not. We have experts here who can help you through your roller coaster ride. Tell us your story and we'll do our best to help.

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  #31  
Old 28-08-2018, 07:43 AM
EtherC EtherC is offline
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Re: Betrayed

TS have you ever considered that in your relationship she may feel inadequate. That you are too “perfect” & she can’t provide equity in your marriage. Inadvertently she may want to do something to give herself more confidence. Women dun need a “perfect” husband, in fact the motherhood instinct is triggered if you have flaws like being lazy for example. It makes the ladies feel needed.
Perhaps question yourself if you’re using logic to deal with an emotional issue. Might not be the best way forward. Understanding how she feels is important if you still value & love her. 1 mistake does not mean much in the bigger scheme of things. Being vindictive may guilt her into a lower self esteem & push her away further. Just my thoughts & opinion for your reference.
  #32  
Old 28-08-2018, 11:51 PM
cuntjigger cuntjigger is offline
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Re: Betrayed

Dun hve to ponder or consider 2nd thought..Just ditch her! Arrrh, u are a nice guy indigo bro.. Too nice! Cheers.. 👌
  #33  
Old 29-08-2018, 08:08 AM
peanodood1337 peanodood1337 is offline
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Re: Betrayed

Quote:
Originally Posted by EtherC View Post
TS have you ever considered that in your relationship she may feel inadequate. That you are too “perfect” & she can’t provide equity in your marriage. Inadvertently she may want to do something to give herself more confidence. Women dun need a “perfect” husband, in fact the motherhood instinct is triggered if you have flaws like being lazy for example. It makes the ladies feel needed.
Perhaps question yourself if you’re using logic to deal with an emotional issue. Might not be the best way forward. Understanding how she feels is important if you still value & love her. 1 mistake does not mean much in the bigger scheme of things. Being vindictive may guilt her into a lower self esteem & push her away further. Just my thoughts & opinion for your reference.
Sorry, but that's just BS. A husband being "too perfect" is a stupid excuse for cheating on him. Under your logic, guys should aspire to be flawed husbands to keep their wives from straying? Why should TS be penalized for being a good husband?

Quote:
Originally Posted by EtherC View Post
in fact the motherhood instinct is triggered if you have flaws like being lazy for example. It makes the ladies feel needed.
What do you mean by "in fact"? Don't mislead people into thinking that this is an "instinct". Motherly instincts are inherently self-sacrificial and responsible. It is hardly an impetus for cheating. Girls who cheat using this excuse are just trying to justify their bad behavior with pseudo-science.

Also, in case you are not aware of it, you are victim-bashing by suggesting that it is TS's fault that he's being cheated on.

...

To TS - yes, what EtherC says could be true in that your wife could feel that your marriage is inadequate. But it doesn't mean that it is your fault. Some people will never be satisfied with what they have (like my ex).

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't say it is necessarily your wife's fault either. Ultimately, it boils down to a difference in personalities and outlooks in life. There is a huge disconnect between you guys right now, and you have to decide for yourself if this relationship is worth salvaging.

Personally, I wouldn't bother because I believe "once a cheater, always a cheater".

Good luck bro.
  #34  
Old 29-08-2018, 08:43 AM
cleyeo cleyeo is offline
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Re: Betrayed

Bro TS..

honestly, when a woman has a change of heart,, it will difficult to have her heart changed back. I am not saying all women will be like that, but generally. There was a famous Real Life story of this gentleman, his name is called JEFF SKELTON, his wife name Marilyn.. he loved the wife and daughter so much.. caught her wife having affair with coworker (colleague), forgiven, attending marriage councellour, but secretly the wife never changed. on surface, she showed changes, behind husband's back was totally different. at the end, fatal !!!

you can google JEFF SKELTON.. I think you tube has the on police investigation on this case,, quite nice to watch !! search LAST BREATH in youtube.

my advice, both of you have more communication. if really cant,, better go separate way !! this is my opinion.

good luck to you !!
  #35  
Old 29-08-2018, 01:48 PM
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Re: Betrayed

Thank you all for the responses. A lot have happened since the and I would appreciate your thoughts

She confessed everything to me over the weekend. Last week she went on a work trip and I knew something was amiss, so when she returned I checked her phone again. She got careless, I found photos of her and her lover.

When I confronted her, she confessed everything. I will not go into the details but it was as bad as I can think and more.

After she did, I get tremendous sadness, but at the same time, liberation. I am not crazy, I wasn’t imagining things, I was right about all those suspicious behavior.

You may all think I’m mad, but I decided to forgive her. She told me she felt that I haven’t given her enough attention, and she managed to get that from that guy even though she has no feelings for him.

After the confession things felt very different, it feels like she was willing to talk again, it feels like she wanted to let me know every mistake she made. I could sense remorse, but at the same time, she said she lost a lot of feelings for me when I became a paranoid freak and tried to track her every move.

To end off we agreed to go for marriage counselling, these couple of days we shared about how we feel and what we can do better. I’m still deeply hurt, but I’m trying to trust and forgive her. Deep down I have a immense fear that something like this will happen again, but when you love someone I guess you are just hopelessly optimistic.

I hope I have no more updates. It’s been a extremely difficult 2 months and I’m frankly spent. Hope things can only get better from now on.
  #36  
Old 29-08-2018, 05:33 PM
peanodood1337 peanodood1337 is offline
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Re: Betrayed

Quote:
Originally Posted by Indigoflashed View Post
Thank you all for the responses. A lot have happened since the and I would appreciate your thoughts

She confessed everything to me over the weekend. Last week she went on a work trip and I knew something was amiss, so when she returned I checked her phone again. She got careless, I found photos of her and her lover.

When I confronted her, she confessed everything. I will not go into the details but it was as bad as I can think and more.

After she did, I get tremendous sadness, but at the same time, liberation. I am not crazy, I wasn’t imagining things, I was right about all those suspicious behavior.

You may all think I’m mad, but I decided to forgive her. She told me she felt that I haven’t given her enough attention, and she managed to get that from that guy even though she has no feelings for him.

After the confession things felt very different, it feels like she was willing to talk again, it feels like she wanted to let me know every mistake she made. I could sense remorse, but at the same time, she said she lost a lot of feelings for me when I became a paranoid freak and tried to track her every move.

To end off we agreed to go for marriage counselling, these couple of days we shared about how we feel and what we can do better. I’m still deeply hurt, but I’m trying to trust and forgive her. Deep down I have a immense fear that something like this will happen again, but when you love someone I guess you are just hopelessly optimistic.

I hope I have no more updates. It’s been a extremely difficult 2 months and I’m frankly spent. Hope things can only get better from now on.
You are a man with a big heart. I hope that your wife doesn't let you down again.

And nope, you are not mad for choosing to forgive your wife. There is no wrong or right answer for these things. Its your life, and you are free to choose how you want to live it. Just make sure that you are ready to deal with the consequences of your actions.

All the best with your marriage bro. Keeping our fingers crossed that the next update you have on this thread is about the success of your marriage counseling.
  #37  
Old 29-08-2018, 05:43 PM
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sammyboyfor sammyboyfor is offline
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Re: Betrayed

You're going to find it very hard to restore your trust.

Even with counseling her betrayal will start gnawing at your emotions and the resentment will build up over time.

The fact that she is blaming you does not bode well either. If marriage vows can just be broken because she perceived that she wasn't getting enough attention they obviously don't mean much to her.

My advice would be to call it a day. Forgiveness is a noble gesture but the scars will remain no matter what.

It will hurt at the beginning but time always heals.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Indigoflashed View Post
Thank you all for the responses. A lot have happened since the and I would appreciate your thoughts

She confessed everything to me over the weekend. Last week she went on a work trip and I knew something was amiss, so when she returned I checked her phone again. She got careless, I found photos of her and her lover.

When I confronted her, she confessed everything. I will not go into the details but it was as bad as I can think and more.

After she did, I get tremendous sadness, but at the same time, liberation. I am not crazy, I wasn’t imagining things, I was right about all those suspicious behavior.

You may all think I’m mad, but I decided to forgive her. She told me she felt that I haven’t given her enough attention, and she managed to get that from that guy even though she has no feelings for him.

After the confession things felt very different, it feels like she was willing to talk again, it feels like she wanted to let me know every mistake she made. I could sense remorse, but at the same time, she said she lost a lot of feelings for me when I became a paranoid freak and tried to track her every move.

To end off we agreed to go for marriage counselling, these couple of days we shared about how we feel and what we can do better. I’m still deeply hurt, but I’m trying to trust and forgive her. Deep down I have a immense fear that something like this will happen again, but when you love someone I guess you are just hopelessly optimistic.

I hope I have no more updates. It’s been a extremely difficult 2 months and I’m frankly spent. Hope things can only get better from now on.
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  #38  
Old 29-08-2018, 06:38 PM
seekerJ seekerJ is offline
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Re: Betrayed

Hi TS,

I had been following your thread and I am happy that both of you are able to communicate openly to each other and solve the real problem together.

I totally know all your feeling from the agony & devastation of uncovering the betrayal and denial of the truth but yet have to swallow it as a bitter pill.
A lot of emotions and questions running up upon your mind and been suspicious of her which you had given her trust fully.

I had been through it and I understand why you choose to forgive her. Because I would have done the same thing as you do. When you truly love someone, you will choose to forgive her no matter what she had done wrong. As long she is fully remorsed and repented in her heart and want to amend all things even it will cause her to be shameful. It’s not easy to admit it and also fully open to her flaws & feeling to you. You want to solve the problem, you have to admit there’s a problem. If she really mean it, I can say there’s still have a chance to save this marriage. If she still love you, then she deserve to be forgiven.

Everyone situation is unique and it always up to you to decide. Choose to listen your inner voice/ gut feeling because you already know the answer. You would rather deny it because that may not be what you want.
  #39  
Old 29-08-2018, 06:53 PM
Indigoflashed Indigoflashed is offline
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Re: Betrayed

Thank you all for the feedback and responses. Each one of them provides me with a different perspective and allowed me to think it though.

I decided to forgive, but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. The scars will probably remain forever. That being said no one is perfect, and i think she is truely sorry about her mistake.

My initial reaction was to give it up, screw it and find another girl who is worth my time. The scenes of which she was lying to me while she had another guy by her side kept replaying in my mind, and it truly hurts

But as I recall the find memories of the last 10 years before this, she has given me a lot as well. She gave me her youth, treats my family and her family very well, cooks often for me, and cheers me up often. I love her for who she is, and I truly believe she got lost momentarily, and she needs people around her who loves her to guide her back. I’m willing to do that.

As I wrote this I cannot help but shed tears again. The pain is still there, and probably will never go away, but for a long as she is willing to repent and make amends I’ll be there for her. Perhaps one day I’ll blow up and that may be the end, or she may violate again, but until then, I’ll strive to save my marriage and guide the woman I love back to where she should be
  #40  
Old 29-08-2018, 07:13 PM
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sammyboyfor sammyboyfor is offline
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Re: Betrayed

You are forgiving her based upon what she was in the past when what you should be doing is judging her based on the present situation.

Reminiscing will cloud your judgement.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Indigoflashed View Post
Thank you all for the feedback and responses. Each one of them provides me with a different perspective and allowed me to think it though.

I decided to forgive, but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. The scars will probably remain forever. That being said no one is perfect, and i think she is truely sorry about her mistake.

My initial reaction was to give it up, screw it and find another girl who is worth my time. The scenes of which she was lying to me while she had another guy by her side kept replaying in my mind, and it truly hurts

But as I recall the find memories of the last 10 years before this, she has given me a lot as well. She gave me her youth, treats my family and her family very well, cooks often for me, and cheers me up often. I love her for who she is, and I truly believe she got lost momentarily, and she needs people around her who loves her to guide her back. I’m willing to do that.

As I wrote this I cannot help but shed tears again. The pain is still there, and probably will never go away, but for a long as she is willing to repent and make amends I’ll be there for her. Perhaps one day I’ll blow up and that may be the end, or she may violate again, but until then, I’ll strive to save my marriage and guide the woman I love back to where she should be
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  #41  
Old 29-08-2018, 09:47 PM
seekerJ seekerJ is offline
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Re: Betrayed

Quote:
Originally Posted by Indigoflashed View Post
Thank you all for the feedback and responses. Each one of them provides me with a different perspective and allowed me to think it though.

I decided to forgive, but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. The scars will probably remain forever. That being said no one is perfect, and i think she is truely sorry about her mistake.

My initial reaction was to give it up, screw it and find another girl who is worth my time. The scenes of which she was lying to me while she had another guy by her side kept replaying in my mind, and it truly hurts

But as I recall the find memories of the last 10 years before this, she has given me a lot as well. She gave me her youth, treats my family and her family very well, cooks often for me, and cheers me up often. I love her for who she is, and I truly believe she got lost momentarily, and she needs people around her who loves her to guide her back. I’m willing to do that.

As I wrote this I cannot help but shed tears again. The pain is still there, and probably will never go away, but for a long as she is willing to repent and make amends I’ll be there for her. Perhaps one day I’ll blow up and that may be the end, or she may violate again, but until then, I’ll strive to save my marriage and guide the woman I love back to where she should be
Bro.. time will really heal all wounds but scar will still be there and it may haunt you back again.

But just my 2 cents worth of warning for you.
I can assure you that the relationship will never be the same again, all of it already past.

You can’t trust her as you used to be.
She may not the same person as you used to know.

She may have guilt initially while meeting other guys but slowly she will find her own reasons to justify her act or push the blame and get herself guiltless sooner or later. Then their relationship will escalate by doing things more n more intimate till no point of return. 一步错 步步错

The moment she forsake of you and be someone else behind your back, she already done wrong to you, no matter whatever reason is it.
She already lost you in her heart & mind that she think it’s alright to be someone else. While knowing her Husband that love her so much and trusting her, will be deeping hurt to find out.

I may ask, after you found out the affair and if she truly repent and want to do things right. Why she didn’t have a clean cut of relationship with that guy?
Why still communicate each other and having photo together in the phone? If it’s just a month of rs, shouldn’t be that hard to end it?
For woman, I don’t understand that she can be with someone with no feeling?

Does she truly repent and seek forgiven? Or is there any hidden agenda?
For my case, I was afraid of my ex fiancée seeking forgiven just to wait for the affair to blow over. Then, after a few month or a year she might break off with me for other reason like we no more feeling/love. She will get off the name of betrayal that this rs end. I might think too much but I feel she have to pay for what she had done. (maybe I turn revengeful or unfairly treated)
If I was the one (betray), she definitely want me to pay for what I had done.
Sometime I feel its pretty unfair for the guy, when their partner betray him and she can simply get away with it. (I guess that Man have to bear it as a Man)

Hope you have the answer on the questions above in the right mind so there’s nothing to hold you back while saving this marriage.

Whatever decision TS made, I will still support it.
Go for the last fight, whatever the result, you have done your best with no regret. All the best to you.
  #42  
Old 29-08-2018, 09:57 PM
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Re: Betrayed

I would suggest to all bros to not bring this issue anymore since TS has forgiven her.

We should wish him all the best, hope their relation will be strong again !!

jia you !!
  #43  
Old 29-08-2018, 11:27 PM
I Love Boobs I Love Boobs is online now
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Re: Betrayed

She cheated on you and denied it.
She still kept in contact with the dude after she was busted.
She went off for a weekend fuck with loverboy.
Knowing full well you would check her phone, she left pictures of herself and loverboy for you to see.
And you forgive her?
Hoping for a fresh start?
You've conceded way too much territory....
You're the most beta guy I've ever heard of.
You need to grow some balls and dump this slut.

Well, alternatively ask mummy but don't reminisce.
State the facts in point form like above.
I'm sure she'll concur....

I actually consulted my parents when my ex fucked up my life and took away my kids....
And emptied out our joint account...
Divorce is painful but sometimes you need to cut your losses.
What's the worst that can happen?
She gets pregnant.
You're so happy.
You raise the kid as your own.
Your parents are so happy!
Then you realise that the kid is loverboy's....

I mean well because I've been there before.
Unlike you I would have lived a meaningless marriage because of my kids...
Count your blessings you have no kids yet.
A close friend of mine found out his Daughter wasn't his through DNA testing.
He divorced his Wife but could not get past the depression. "His Daughter" was 7...
I attended his funeral a few weeks back when he committed suicide....

Last edited by I Love Boobs; 29-08-2018 at 11:45 PM.
  #44  
Old 29-08-2018, 11:54 PM
seekerJ seekerJ is offline
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Re: Betrayed

Quote:
Originally Posted by I Love Boobs View Post
She cheated on you and denied it.
She still kept in contact with the dude after she was busted.
She went off for a weekend fuck with loverboy.
Knowing full well you would check her phone, she left pictures of herself and loverboy for you to see.
And you forgive her?
Hoping for a fresh start?
You've conceded way too much territory....
You're the most beta guy I've ever heard of.
You need to grow some balls and dump this slut.

Well, alternatively ask mummy but don't reminisce.
State the facts in point form like above.
I'm sure she'll concur....

I actually consulted my parents when my ex fucked up my life and took away my kids....
And emptied out our joint account...
Divorce is painful but sometimes you need to cut your losses.
What's the worst that can happen?
She gets pregnant.
You're so happy.
You raise the kid as your own.
Your parents are so happy!
Then you realise that the kid is loverboy's....

I mean well because I've been there before.
Unlike you I would have lived a meaningless marriage because of my kids...
Count your blessings you have no kids yet.
A close friend of mine found out his Daughter wasn't his through DNA testing.
He divorced his Wife but could not get past the depression. "His Daughter" was 7...
I attended his funeral a few weeks back when he committed suicide....
Sorry to hear your story and your close friend. RIP to him.
  #45  
Old 30-08-2018, 01:13 AM
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Shadow_warrior Shadow_warrior is offline
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Re: Betrayed

Quote:
Originally Posted by I Love Boobs View Post
She cheated on you and denied it.
She still kept in contact with the dude after she was busted.
She went off for a weekend fuck with loverboy.
Knowing full well you would check her phone, she left pictures of herself and loverboy for you to see.
And you forgive her?
Hoping for a fresh start?
You've conceded way too much territory....
You're the most beta guy I've ever heard of.
You need to grow some balls and dump this slut.

Well, alternatively ask mummy but don't reminisce.
State the facts in point form like above.
I'm sure she'll concur....

I actually consulted my parents when my ex fucked up my life and took away my kids....
And emptied out our joint account...
Divorce is painful but sometimes you need to cut your losses.
What's the worst that can happen?
She gets pregnant.
You're so happy.
You raise the kid as your own.
Your parents are so happy!
Then you realise that the kid is loverboy's....

I mean well because I've been there before.
Unlike you I would have lived a meaningless marriage because of my kids...
Count your blessings you have no kids yet.
A close friend of mine found out his Daughter wasn't his through DNA testing.
He divorced his Wife but could not get past the depression. "His Daughter" was 7...
I attended his funeral a few weeks back when he committed suicide....
been there with my exes. 6 dating relationships, 6 cheated. Glad no kids and didn't marry those women

Married the 7th one.

Women are not the ones we knew in the past, or our parents time.

Men have become more women like, women have become men like and dominant.

The world is different now.
__________________
The Best Way to overcome heart break is in the arms of another. You focus on making money, you get girls, you focus on your body, you get sex, you focus on the girl, you get NOTHING but heartache and disappointment
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